Almost 38...a mixed bag.

To think it's been 20 years this summer since I graduated from high school nearly shrinks the universe down to the size of a pea.

It's nothing. A speck of time. My life, my generation, my millinum... what have I learned?

I hope it would be humility, humanity and hospitality.

Tomorrow is my 38th birthday. I've sort of been all over the place lately about how I feel about getting older. I find myself with the strange desire to lie when people ask my age. Always they are shocked. This is a not so bad and I'm quite sure that anyone is Hollywood would kill to have this genetic feature of mine. Am I gloating? No....at least I don't mean to.

I am extremely happy to have experienced these last 38 years. I love my parents. I miss them. I wish I would have appreciated them more when I was young. It's true that you just don't know what you have til it's gone. Luckily, I can still talk and visit with them. Yet, even so, I don't talk to them enough and I visit far less than that.

I can't even bring myself to write about the brief torment I felt today. My mind takes me back to troubled times of not so long ago. Scars left behind from a wound that so many times dragged me to my knees...looking up to the only place left. Where else could I go? Not like the pain of childbirth that produces joy. This pain lingers and haunts. For me it's the kind of pain that always leads me to same place...hope. A vision of friendship and healing...where everyone can exist in wholeness.

The day is coming. I have time. Best not to procastinate though.

38? Holy crap. Forget it Kathy...it's just a number.

Member

I finally did it.

I became a member of a church.

I have been a believer for at least 16 years. Today is Kaytee's sweet sixteenth birthday. I was planning on spending this day with her until she informed me that she'd rather hang out with her boyfriend. I wasn't surprised at all...
so I signed up for the bayside 101 class. A 4 hour crash course on what Bayside is all about.
I've never understood why churches always want you to become a member? Here are the reasons they gave...
1. Because Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. see Ephesians 5:25
2. Commitment
3. Membership tells the church who they can count on.
4. Putting down roots produce spiritual growth.

But do you want to know what really sold me? As I was reading through their core beliefs, I read this...

In non-essential beliefs- we have LIBERTY. "Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgement on disputable matters...Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls...So then each of us will give an account of himself to God...So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God." Romans 14: 1,4,12,22

Folks, I've never seen a church use this verse. Especially in their core beliefs. Agree to disagree? Be tolerant and above all love your neighbor? I have never found a church that I agree so much with. Everything is biblically based. Nothing weird or crazy. Ah, I have found my home.

I knew what becoming a member would mean. There are things I would be expected to do. Most of them I have already been doing and the results in my life have been amazing. First let me tell you what it means to be a member and then I will tell you which ones I will need to start doing...

Being a member means I will...
1. protect the unity of my church
a. by acting in love toward other members (I think it applies to everyone, dah)
b. by refusing to gossip
c. by following the leaders (cool, like kindergarten!)

2. share the responsibility of my church
a. by praying for it's growth
b. by inviting the unchurched to attend
c. by warmly welcoming those who visit

3. serve the ministry of my church
a. by discovering my gifts and talents
b. by living a godly life
c. by developing a servant's heart

4. support the testimony of my church
a. by attending faithfully
b. by living a godly life (isn't that in number 3?)
c. by giving regularly

Doesn't that sound easy? What in the world was holding me back? I know what you're thinking...but Kathy, it says GIVE regularly! Does that mean tithe?

Yep. And I've already been doing it. I started tithing 10% of my income over 3 months ago. In fact, I tithe 20% of what Michael gives me for child support and alimony. Why? Because when I was married, tithing was not something we agreed on. He didn't want to and since the idea of giving that much money was so scary, I found it far to easy not to do it. But guess what...I was only hurting our family. Now that I'm single I make my own financial decisions and I figured that giving Michael's portion might help along with regular prayers for him. Last month I stumbled upon a Bible verse that actually supports my theory.
"And without doubt the lesser person is blessed by the greater. In the one case, the tenth is collected by men who die; but in the other case, by him who is declared to be living." Hebrews 7: 7,8. Not that I think Michael is lesser! We are equal.

Tithing is not about money. It's about commitment and faith. Though I was a Christian, I never trusted God to take care of my needs financially. Even when we made almost 100k a year. Now I am single with 2 teenagers and I am finally trusting God and giving him what is indeed his. He gave me everything I have. How can I steal from God? How can I say it is not fair for him to ask this of me? I gave him my life because he gave his for me. I love him because he first loved me.
God loves a cheerful giver...and I will rejoice that I am able to give.
So it's been 3 months and I have just as much as I did before. My bills still get paid. We go on trips (skiing last weekend). I have not cut back on anything (except eating out when I'm working). I can't explain it, but it's true. He is faithful, so I will be too.

Here is what the Bible says about tithing...

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse that there may be food in my house. Test me in this' says the Lord 'and see if I won't throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessings that you won't have enough room for it!" Malachi 3:10
This is the ONLY place in the Bible that God asks us to test him.

So what I am not doing that I need to do?
Find a small group, get connected. Going to Church every Sunday is great, but I need to be involved in a small group where people can get to know me, pray for me and support me and vise versa. There are a bunch. I'm considering an art group or one that helps parents with their teenagers. Also I want to start helping out with the homeless. I already give my hotel shampoos and soaps to this group who minister to the homeless on the last sunday of every month. I'd like to ride along and help.

Faith without action is dead. Talk is cheap. I want to be like Christ...so I will DO what Christ did...love others.

I will end this post with an awesome quote...

"Beware of spending too much time looking back at what you once were, when God wants you to become something you have never been!"
Oswald Chambers

Hope Walks Pictures.

what a trip!

Tonight I am in North Bend...or you can say, Coos Bay. It's on the Oregon Coast. Anyway, I was here last week as well. I report the same time tomorrow as I did last week. I wonder if things will go better tomorrow??

Last week our plane was late because of weather in San Francisco. We were scheduled to fly to Portland then do a round trip to Medford then our last leg to our overnight, Redding.
The weather in North Bend wasn't good. In fact, we watched as our plane missed it's approach and diverted to Euguene. It wasn't coming back.
Crew support decided to give us the next plane that was scheduled to come in and have that crew wait and take the plane from the last crew due in for the night. It's hard to explain...basically robbing peter to pay paul kind of deal.
Anyway- while we were sitting in the flight operations room, we heard the next plane attempt to land. It didn't. Off it went to Eugene, just like the one before it.
Again we waited until the news came down that the last flight of the night had cancelled. I don't blame them. The weather was terrible. They've already sent 2 planes that failed, why send the third?
However, that means that my crew and I were stuck in North Bend while 2 planes crew were stuck in Eugene.
I would not want a scheduling job! What do you do?
Well, I'll tell you what they did. They shuttled us up to Eugene in a van and shuttled one of the diverted Eugene crews to North Bend. It's a 2.5 hour drive over a curvy mountainous pass. The van was so bumby that I nearly got sick!
Once we arrived at the airport in Eugene, we repositioned one of the divereted planes to Portland.
That was kinda cool for me. I got to sit in the cockpit and watch. Also I had on a headset so I could hear the guys talking to air traffic control.
We overnighted in Portland and deadheaded on a mainline flight to San Francisco the next day to end our trip. Pretty easy since I didn't really work the second half of the trip and got out of working 7 flights. Don't worry- I still got paid for it all.
More often than not, you get hosed in this job. It's nice to be on the other side once in a while. I suppose it all evens out.
Something interesting happened on that deadhead. I was sitting in the exit row and had out my Bible during the flight. I try to not make it obvious because I get a little uncomfortable. I don't want people to see me and think I'm trying to be better than everyone else...oh, look at her she's reading the Bible...she must think she's better than all us heathans! That's not true. It's just a good time for me to think, study and pray without distractions.
I was going over some of the verses Ray (our pastor) had been talking about on the message outline that they hand out every week. The week's message had to do with fear and breaking free from it.
I like to use the hotel paper to write down verses that I want to remember. The seat next to me was empty until one of the flight attendants sat down and asked me if I was studing the Bible. She asked me how I do it. So I explained to her in my shy stumbling way that I don't really have any rhime or reason, I just go through it as I feel led. Then she asked me if I've ever fasted. I answered honestly, no. I know people used to do that and some still do, but that's as much as I know.
Well, she had already looked into it. She proceeded to tell me that there are 5 different ways to fast. The first being 3 days without eating or drinking anything. The second is 21 days but you can have water and some fruit and grains. She said she has really been wanting to try it but was afraid.
I couldn't believe how fast the words came out of my mouth..."don't be afraid." It shocked me because of how bold it sounded...as if it was someone else talking.
I continued. "This has obviously been on your heart to do. You should do it. Don't be scared."
She repeated the word "scared" and pointed to the same word that was on my message outline and said.."scared. That's it...I'm scared." I explained how we had just started this new series at church about breaking the grip of fear in our lives. She asked me if I would write down some verses for her. Instead I gave her the outline and told her that there are already many verses on it about fear. She couldn't believe I was just giving this to her. She thanked me so much and gave me a hug. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but it felt so good to share my faith with a stranger.
I am blown away with how God works in my life. Was this encounter a coincidence or does God set these things up? I don't know, but it sure felt like it was set up.
I know God wants to bless us. We get nudges to do the right thing. I remember one time asking God to make me a fence pusher. You know the term "sitting on the fence"...well a fence pusher is one of those people who push people to one side or the other. Not that I want to force my religion on anyone, cause I don't. But if anyone isn't sure...I know the way. It's Jesus. Let me point you in the right direction and get you off that fence!

Mission Trip?

The more I see the world, the more I want to help it.

Amazing how much your view changes when the vail of ignorance is pulled away.

Not that long ago, I would have said, "don't send so much money to other countries when we have so many people suffering in our own backyard."

How stupid. How ignorant. We don't know the word poverty. Yes, we have many suffering people in America. But there is help for most of them.

Africa.

Megan has been asking me to take her there for well over a year. Upon her insistance we participated in Hope Walks (an event to raise money for kids in Africa who have become orphaned due to AIDS) She wants to go to Kenya.

This summer my Church is going to Kenya. Coincidence?

So here I am...praying and wondering if this is what God wants us to do. I wouldn't be able to use my free flight benefits. It's a group thing. I would have to raise the money. It's not cheap. But I suppose, if it's God's plan then I have nothing to worry about. The money will come. I provide the faith and he will do the rest.

My Church

www.baysideonline.com

Check it out!!

A bit of historal Kathy fact:

I've been attending church all my life. Catholic church when I was young was all about sitting still for one whole hour so I could get an ice cream afterward. Once on my own I rebelled and stayed as far away from church as possible. Then something amazing happened that I will never forget. I may have written about it before. God saved my life. Litterally, saved my life. By telling me go home another way I avoided being involved in a bicycle vs car accident. I was 24 years old and pregnant with Megan. I started my investigation about this almighty God that so many people seemed to love. I remember going to a Nazarene church and noticing that most people looked like they really wanted to be there. They laughed and sang. This is not how Catholic service goes. I wanted to praise God that way but it felt fake. I didn't really know him yet. How could I sing with that much feeling? How do I get there?
It took time. God worked on me with each little situation. I could compare my journey to the process that happens when your eyes become adjusted to the darkness.
You know how when you first walk into a dark room you can't see anything? But slowly more and more things come into view. Eventually you can see everyting...even people who are entering with that same limited vision of which you once entered with.
It's like that with God.
Little by little I started noticing him. He was and has been doing things all around me. Sometimes it feels like he isn't there, but then something occurs to make me just go "wow" and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is a God and he is big!
I'm not always eliquent with my words...but you get the idea.

Now I've learned that not all churches are created equal. I've heard people say, i'm not getting fed spiritually at this church. What the crap does that mean? Church is about coming together to worship and learning God's word. All the other stuff is gravy. Do you not know that your own spiritual growth begins with your own effort? You're not a baby! You can feed yourself can't you? God has the best tasting food, but for heavens sake pick up your own fork and put it in your mouth man!!

I wasn't sure I'd like a big church, but there is something amazing about a several hundred people all singing and praising God in the same room. Also my pastor makes me laugh. He makes sense of the Bible and relates to our daily lives. He takes it literally and challenges me to become a devoted follower. I used to doubt that I had the ability to do that, but I don't anymore. It's not that hard. In fact, it's so easy.

one of my favorite songs to sing in church says this...

I am free to run
I am free to dance
I am free to live for you
I am free
I am free

New Readers Welcome!

To those of you who have recently stumbled upon my humble blog...WELCOME!!

And to those who have been faithfully following along with me the last 4.5 years, THANK YOU!!

Life is a journey and I suppose this is the trail I leave behind.

Today is Christmas. I feel like I've been focusing so much on the true meaning of it the last month that I just sort of let myself relax and enjoy my family. I am one of the fortunate flight attendants that managed to get the holiday off. I did work a trip that went well into the early morning of the 24th. It was just a two day trip on the jet. We overnighted in Missoula. Did I mention that in the last post? Anyway- there is a story here...

We flew into Denver on the 23rd. No problems. We boarded ontime and took off for Durango, Co. Just as our wheels were down and you could see the runway, we aborted landing and began gaining altitude. In my mind I'm thinking...well, for some reason we couldn't land and I bet we are going to go around and try again. I was wrong. The captain came on the pa and announced we were going back to Denver. We couldn't land in Durango because snow plow equiptment was on the runway. We were not allowed to try again because if for some reason our second attempt failed, we wouldn't have enough gas to make it to our alternate airport, Denver.
My heart sank for everyone on my aircraft. I knew I'd be taking them back to a very stressful situation in Denver. Long lines and certain frustration trying to be booked onto flights that were already oversold with multiple standbys all trying to get home for the holiday.
Many of my passengers had already been inconvienced with earlier cancelled flights and was extremely happy to be on my flight when they boarded. I hated that this happened to them. A young lady sitting in 1B cried the entire way back, while the guy behind her kept blaming United for the error on the ground in Durango. How do you tell this passenger that the people who clear the runways are not employeed by United? And certainly whoever's bad timing it was to plow the runway is either getting fired or repremanded for causing a flight to turn and go back right before Christmas!
So there I was getting bombarded with green call button lights all down the cabin. What do I tell them? I'm sorry, but just telling them to talk to a customer service agent isn't good enough. I didn't sugar coat it. I tried to give hope by saying that you should never leave a flight that you are on standby for until it's gone. You never know. Lots of people misconnect and don't show up. However, spending more than a day in an airport really sucks. I suggested renting a car and driving home. It's a 6 hour drive in good weather. However, the mountain passes are caked with snow. It would be dangerous.
My heart still breaks for them and I hope they all got home safely and quickly.

The next day, we were supposed to leave Missoula at 4pm, but our plane coming in was late. 4.5 hours late! Finally we flew back to Denver. They made us swap planes which made us even later. We landed in Fresno at 1:30am. I just wanted to go home. So I downed 2 cups of coffee and drove home. I walked through my door at 5:15am. OY!!

You might be saying...Well, at least you probably picked up some overtime pay, right?
Wrong. I made a little extra money by being in the air a little longer, but overtime doesn't exist in my company unless they are desperate to cover a trip and offer you time and a half to work on your days off. I never do it. My time at home with my kids is way more valuable.

Seasonal flying sucks for all, but I try to make it better by smiling, staying positive and stuffing my co-workers with homemade Christmas cookies. :-)

Merry Christmas where ever you are and a Hope Filled New Year!!

replace fear with faith

yesterday I got some good news and then bad news all in the span of about 5 minutes.

The good news came first...another flight attendant took my local on the 26th!! That's awesome, now I don't have to drive down to Fresno the day after Christmas just to do 4 flights.

The bad news is that I didn't win SIA. again...
It's the third time I've run for SIA (SkyWest Inflight Assosication). This time I tried to be elected into the scheduling/reserve representative postition. Again, the few (271 out of nearly 2000) flight attendants voted in the most senior. Immediately my heart broke. I felt tears welling up in my eyes and I couldn't bring my voice up to a normal pitch no matter how hard I tried. I thought about it on my three hour drive to Fresno to start a two day trip. Later that day on my last flight into Missula, Montana...I opened my Bible. I've been using my down time on the plane to study scripture.
The first thing I read was this...

"The spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom fro the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and to provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of despair." Isaiah 61:1-3

Isn't that cool? Taken in context (which you should always do) it was a very political statement. Isaiah was the one who propheisted the coming of the messiah and that he would be born from a virgin. This message states that the Lord will triump over their oppressors. I believe that when we open our Bibles with sincere desire for help, the Holy Spirit leads us to specific words that speak to us and gives us guidence for our daily lives.

After reading this I imagined the baby Jesus laying in the manger. He left Heaven where he had everything to be born in poverty because I needed him. I need him to bind my broken heart. I need him release me from prison walls. I need him to fight for me. I need him turn my mourning into rejoicing and praise. I need him to give me hope for the future. I need him lift me out of despair. Because of Jesus, I am free.

I can't tell you what a difference it has made in my life making the commitment to attend church every sunday. The girls are happier. My problems don't seem so big and I am thankful.

The other day, Kaytee said she couldn't wait to go to church this Christmas Eve. She has been volunteering every sunday morning in Pier 14, which the sunday school service for grades 1-4. She LOVES those little kids and they love her. She talkes about wanting to be a kindergarden teacher if photography doesn't work out.
This last sunday she had a present for me. It was a toilet paper roll wrapped up with a message inside. I unfolded a red piece of paper that said, "I love you" on it. Lately I've gotten more, I love you's than I hate you's. She took herself off meds about 4 weeks ago. We didn't know because she was spitting them out when we weren't looking. Luckily she is doing great. No cutting and no thoughts of suicide.


Let me end this post with a psalm:

"I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live." Psalm 116: 1-2

A hot girl who likes chicken sandwiches.

Lucia, this ones for you. And thank you for the kind words in your last comment. You made my day. :-)

Prop 8? How do I see thee?

I think prop 8 is like a hot girl that happens to like chicken sandwiches. Let me explain...

A sweet young couple out on a date meet up at local restaurant for a late night meal. She really likes him, and perhaps went a little overboard on the short dress and high heels.
They finished their chicken sandwiches hours prior and haven't even noticed that time has been disappearing from the faded world around them.
Finally that dreaded moment has come. The one that puncuates with a heart pounding kiss and a reluctant goodbye.
On her way home, swimming in the thoughts of her love, the girl stumbles across the road without using the crosswalk. Little does she know that a man in a dark, unmarked car was watching her. Seconds later she is thrown into the backseat of a car. She would open the door and run, but there is no handle in this car, and even there was, she wouldn't be able to open it due to the cuffs cutting into both her wrists.
"What have you got there?" grunts the cop. "Dinner for me? Why, I don't mind if I do. Thanks!" as he gobbles down the second half of her tasty chicken sandwich. "I suppose this makes me your pimp!" he laughed to himself again.
"I'm not a hooker!"
"Yeah, sure your not. And my aunt patunia is a deep sea diver." The smell of his breath suggested otherwise.
Down at the station, the girl is thrown in with the rest of the evenings catch. A druggie, armed robber, purse snatcher and drunk driver.
"Okay toots, it's your turn..."
Standing in front of an old cranky judge who hasn't had a break in nearly 4 hours, the girl pleads that she is not a prostitute.
"Please judge...I'm a straight A student at the university. Ask any of the professors! I would never soliciate sex for money! I've never been arrested before. Please, look at my record!"
And she almost convinced the judge, until the truth was discovered.

"Is it true that you eat chicken sandwiches?" askes the judge.
Taken by surprise, the girl replies, "Uh, well, yes. yes I do. But what does..."

"TAKE HER AWAY! SHE'S GUILTY!"

Does this seem fair to you? But you see, the judge is a vegitarian.

There are many people in this world. God made them all. God made the earth, the heavens, the stars and so on.
We must live together. We are called to LOVE. Our country was founded on the freedom of religion and equal rights for all.
Just as everyone is entitled to a fair trial, so is everyone entitled to the choice to believe or not to believe.
Is it fair that the judge condemed the girl based on his own biased beliefs? He's a judge! We expect them to be impartial. When we vote, we judge. What kind of world do we live in when we judge others with our vote?
Not the world I want to live in, that's for sure.

Therefore, I voted NO on prop 8. Unfortunately it won.

BTW- I made that story up. :-)