Almost 38...a mixed bag.

To think it's been 20 years this summer since I graduated from high school nearly shrinks the universe down to the size of a pea.

It's nothing. A speck of time. My life, my generation, my millinum... what have I learned?

I hope it would be humility, humanity and hospitality.

Tomorrow is my 38th birthday. I've sort of been all over the place lately about how I feel about getting older. I find myself with the strange desire to lie when people ask my age. Always they are shocked. This is a not so bad and I'm quite sure that anyone is Hollywood would kill to have this genetic feature of mine. Am I gloating? No....at least I don't mean to.

I am extremely happy to have experienced these last 38 years. I love my parents. I miss them. I wish I would have appreciated them more when I was young. It's true that you just don't know what you have til it's gone. Luckily, I can still talk and visit with them. Yet, even so, I don't talk to them enough and I visit far less than that.

I can't even bring myself to write about the brief torment I felt today. My mind takes me back to troubled times of not so long ago. Scars left behind from a wound that so many times dragged me to my knees...looking up to the only place left. Where else could I go? Not like the pain of childbirth that produces joy. This pain lingers and haunts. For me it's the kind of pain that always leads me to same place...hope. A vision of friendship and healing...where everyone can exist in wholeness.

The day is coming. I have time. Best not to procastinate though.

38? Holy crap. Forget it Kathy...it's just a number.