Perfect Ending for 2004

My wonderful, most intelligent father has been visiting me for the last 2 weeks. I have LOVED having him here.

Ever since I was very small (born...) I have been 'daddy's little girl'. He taught me how to fish, paddle a canoe, make things out of wood, learn from my mistakes and how to give directly from my heart. What can I say...I love the man. He's always been there for me- and I for him. When I was 18 I moved out of the house and rented a dumpy old trailer. A month later, he moved in with me. My parents argued, and I found myself kicking them out of my living room. Luckily things settled down after that. I guess I wanted to give an example just then.

Where was I? Oh yeah, our visit. We've had a nice week relaxing and catching up on sleep. My dad rarely goes to the movie theater, so I took him and my girls to see "The Incredibles". I love that movie, so I had no complaints about seeing it again. We followed up the show with a stop at IN N OUT Burger. I saw my long time friend, Devona, there. It was great.

Today, though, was especially nice. My husband is so considerate. He took some time off work to allow my dad and I to go out for the day. After I did my 4 mile run- we headed to Grass Valley, but ended up stopping in Nevada City instead (no, not in Nevada...common misunderstanding). I prefer Nevada City. It's quaint. Grass Valley is getting big, and for some reason the streets of Nevada City make me smile. Besides my initials are engraved on the pavement. Really.

Even the weather cooperated. The clouds parted to allow the sun to shine on my face whenever I stepped out onto the street. My dad said even the sky loves me. Isn't he sweet?
We ate lunch (but ordered breakfast) at the "South Pine Cafe". Very nice, with many vegan choices (not that we're vegetarians...) I just can't have dairy.

I bought 2 cards and a book. The book is called "The Right Word! How to say what you really mean." I hope it will help me with my writing adventure. It looks helpful.

I guess that's it. Happy New Year.

No Talent for This

Well, I have absolutely no talent for fixing things on this computer. You may have noticed that all my comments are gone.
I was trying to fix the problem with my profile sitting at the bottom of this page!!! But instead, I wiped out my comments! *Uhhggg!*

I have a friend who can do this like it's magic. Motherboards worship his fingers! Heal I say!!

to bad he's so busy all the time...well, I guess that's why he's so busy.

anyway, to those of you who do leave comments- forgive me. I'll try not to dis you again :)

Closer

Yesterday, I had a day for myself. It was nice.
I went to Starbucks and wrote on my story for about an hour then headed to the theater for a movie.
Yes, I went to the movies by myself. I hear most people don't like to do this, but I found it to be quite relaxing.

I saw 'Closer'
You know, Jude Law, Natalie Portman, Julia Roberts and .... uhmm, can't remember the other guys name...

So what did I think of it? It was interesting. Depressing.
If you're planning on getting married this summer...DON'T see it. It just might make you lose all faith in the institution of marriage.

It confirmed some things I already knew. Such as...

1.) love is the strongest most complicated emotion. Duh.
2.)The word 'love' is thrown around way to much.
3.) Acting on your feelings can leave you lost and alone.

Here are some things I learned (realized)...

1.)The deepest love I've ever felt is the love I have for God.
2.)'Love' takes 3 forms in a marriage. Lust, Comfort & Dependency.

let me explain:
The first form, lust, is the glue that binds. It wears off. Then we settle into a comfortable stage where we learn to live with the WHOLE person, faults and all. If we find they are still the one, we enter into the final stage- dependency. Hence the old woman in the parking lot looking for her husband to help her with groceries.

I found a reacurring theme in this movie...
"How could he let you get away!"

We meet someone and immediately want to know EVERYTHING about them. Once we think we know it all, we get bored and desire another search...stranger. Someone with new mysteries, new thoughts, new territory. We are explorers. Jude Law yells..."Here I am, I am your stranger!"

Keep in mind- people don't stay the same and no matter how predictable you think your spouse is, they can surprise you. I am not the same person I was when I married my guy, over 12 years ago. I've struggled. I've changed. I'm not perfect. I have new strengths. I have my weaknesses. I look for both good and bad in others. Sometimes the bad is easy to see. Sometimes it's the most difficult.

I search myself as well.

So the movie? Perfect title. The only other title I thought could work was 'Strangers'

**************WARNING*************
the following DOES contain comment to the final outcome, close your eyes if you haven't seen it and want to.
*************************************


If you have seen it and didn't really get the ending...there are 2 subtle scenes that explain why Alice (Natalie Portman) does what she does.

The first would be when she first meets (Jude Law) in England. She says... "I've never left anyone that I loved."
The second is when (Jude Law) is leaving her and she says "You can't leave me, I'm the one who leaves!!"

I know, it still doesn't explain why she leaves. It's VERY subtle. I think it's a commitment issue. In the 4 years Natalie and Jude were together, they never married. They are young, not ready for commitment.
Being committed means being able to forgive. When Jude finally is able to commit- he cries "I forgive you!", but Natalie can't forgive herself. She has no self confidence. She can only leave, run away. It's "too late."
This explains why Anna (Julia Roberts) go back to her bou. She is more committed whereas Alice is not. Alice is described as a 'girl' (she is a stripper after all) and Anna is an successful photographer (much more mature).
In the end Alice is sad, walking alone in streets of NY with only the googling eyes of STRANGERS to notice her. Anna is laying in bed with her husband, looking sad, because the innocence is gone.

Follow me?

Is there more to it? Yes, I'm sure there is.
Let me mull it over for a while and maybe I'll update this post when I figure it out.

But these are the ideas that flooded my brain while my wipers struggled to keep my windshield clear.

One more thing- Did you notice?? No in bed sex scenes. Just kissing and Natalie's naked butt.

New thought: Why was Jude Law playing a practical joke on a sex website anyway?? At first I thought he did this as a side job- you know, like those phone sex people. But they made no reference to confirm that. Hmm

Does anyone remember what Alice's euphemism was?? He tells her on the bus and then they repeat it at the end. What was it?? Starts with a d... DISARMING
I must give a thank you to Panda of Pandyland for coming up with it!! clap, clap. Give a bow.

So her EUPHEMISM must be another way of saying that she lowers the defense shields of people she meets. Example of this...she literally takes the glasses off his face on the bus and rearranges his tie. She 'disarms' him. He finds her charming and different (she does have pink hair).

Cute Girls

The cutest girls I've ever seen. My daughter, Megan (in black) and her friend, Emma (in grey).

This picture was taken on Sunday Dec. 19th. They had already been in one show, and got to get out for a little fresh air before the second show. Can you tell, I'm a proud mother??

Cute Boy

The cutest boy I've ever seen! This is my nephew, Drew

The dog's name is Jackson. He belongs to a neighbor, but likes us best. We throw the stick for hours!

The worst disaster of our time

Time to reflect and pray....

135,000.??? I can't even comprehend that much suffering.

kind of makes your petty little problems seem insignificant, huh?

The Cabin, the Family and Christmas Eve in the Hospital.

We have a family cabin about 2 1/2 hours from where we live. It's nice. Nestled in the mountains on a private lake. The whole family on my husbands side share the place, but we've never all been up there at the same time. For one very good reason. Space. It's a small place, what a cabin should be. However some remodeling to the downstairs has been done and with an additional room rented at the Timberlodge Inn...we felt this year we'd have a big family Christmas at the cabin. Sounds great huh? Well, it was....except for one thing- I ended up in the ER room on Christmas Eve.

Friday we drove up and I was starting to feel "bad". We had just had lunch, so I thought...maybe I've accidentally ingested some dairy (I'm allergic to milk). As the day progressed, I kept getting worse. But once I saw the blood, I knew I needed a doctor!

Bad timing! Christmas Eve dinner was almost ready with presents waiting to be opened after that. 14 family members wished me well as I hurried off to the nearest open medical facility. The hospital would take 45 minutes to get to. I had wanted to visit the hospital for the holidays, but this was NOT what I had in mind.

There is one advantage to being sick on a holiday- no waiting. The place was deserted and the staff was so nice. They told jokes and talked about one of the nurse's recent trip to London. I was told to give a urine sample (always fun...), then given a white gown with blue pin stripes. The male nurse who checked me in, gave me a warm blanket.

The warm blanket.......I waited for 20 minutes (while they were testing my sample) thinking about this warm blanket.

Mary didn't get a warm blanket, or a white hospital gown with blue pin stripes. She didn't have a host of nurses by her side or medication to ease her pain. She didn't even get a room. She got a barn, and wrapped her baby in clothes probably taken off there own backs. It must have been dirty. They couldn't wash their clothes after each wearing. And the barn? Not exactly a sterile environment like this hospital...

When the doctor came in, he confirmed exactly what I thought was wrong. A bladder infection.
It took nearly 24 hours before I felt like I could eat again.

Imagine feeling like your bladder is extremely full for about 4 hours straight, or as I described it.... "there's an elephant sitting on my bladder!" embarrassing really and I almost didn't post it, but sometimes a slice of humble pie is good for the soul.

I'm so tired.

The rest of the weekend went better. We shared old memories of my father-in-law falling off the roof, the deck and the ladder. On Christmas night, we played the game 'Outburst' after a few glasses of wine :) followed by a rented movie, "I Robot". Unfortunately there wasn't enough snow to go skiing or tubing. I wasn't up for it anyway...

Funny how you can plan something for months and it doesn't go at all the way you expect. Look at the bright side. I gained a new perspective on Christmas... Mary, the warm blanket and a new type of pain.

I am constantly learning, therefore I will never know it all. Learning is a blessing. Teaching is a priviledge.

Did I mention that my daughter injured my nose last Tuesday night? Yeah, but it's getting better- I think. It's like when you go to the dentist and they shot you with novicane. You think everyone can see it, but nobody but you can tell. I feel like such a whiner!

I had a GREAT Christmas. No, I'm not being sarcastic- It was an experience. Which is the only way to live!

The sexy one

Getting ready for a fancy dinner in downtown. This post WILL be deleted very soon...

well, if ya missed it again, sorry to bad...

Me, Myself & I

Did anyone catch that last picture...opps! It was sexier, and how was I suppose to know if you hit the "enter" button it would publish!?! Like I said...opps.


Yes, it would appear that I really like myself. I told you I am selfish. Let's rephrase that- I have confidence. Didn't used to...I hated myself (especially my appearance) for a long time. If you want to get to know me, you need to see me. I am both literate and visual.

Sick of Shopping?

Are you sick of shopping yet? Women love to shop. At least most women. That's what I hear. We could shop everyday of our lives. Heaven will look like a mall, filled with greasy juiced up food that doesn't make you fat.

Not my Heaven! Shopping is fun, it's has it's moments. You could argue that it's a healthy workout, carrying all those heavy bags. Rushing from store to store may give your cardio a boost, but for me it's like eating chocolate. Too much makes me sick.

I started my Christmas shopping last week. I'm almost done. My dad, my husband, a couple generic gifts for a big family exchange, and 1 more for Megan- 2 more for Katie. Oh don't forget they both need bikes. Can you believe our kids are 11 & 9 yrs old and they don't have bikes?!? I guess they don't need bikes. Really they don't NEED any of this stuff. How much does the American kid need? I guess about as much as their parents need, and by looking around that seems to be a lot. We have so much stuff that giving to goodwill became a monthly event. A tax write-off. Hey! it's tax time...time to gather up ALL the charity receipts. I'm guilty.

So how much is to much for Christmas?
This year I asked the girls "how many presents do you expect to get this year from us (mom & dad)?"
My oldest said, "between 3-5." mildly surprised, I ask the younger one. She perks up and begs for 5. "please... 5 presents!"
This was an easy one! I compromised and said 4. "Okay, 4 gifts...plus Santa."

So that's that. Four gifts each.
But wait a minute...let's do the math...
4 from parents
?? from grandparents (far more than 4...)
?? from cousins, aunts, uncles, friends

In years past it has added up to one great big number!
So, we ask ourselves...Are we raising spoiled brats?
No.
At least I'm not trying to.
We start off in Sept. singing Christmas Carols in the car. Then the decorations come out. (I put up a fake tree in October...uhm- it's a seasonal tree). Baking for friends, thanking God for His gift, and yes, shopping.
Shopping is just one part of the tradition. Definitely not the most important. I think they know that. I hope they know that.

Yesterday I shopped all day with a GREAT friend- Denise. It translated into 2 gifts. Today I'm shopping all day with my husband (love spending time with him). I hope that gets me to the end of my list. I'm a slow shopper. I make all the other people angry. Sorry. I just want to get the perfect gift. That takes time.
Why is everyone in such a rush? Is it that awful if you forget something? What's awful is fighting over some toy. How about smiling- saying "excuse me", or here's one "Merry Christmas". I said that to a Kmart manager (while she was being rude). She slowed her pace, looking straight at me, said "I wish I could say that."

Shopping? Let's go see a movie.

Then I'll soak in a hot tub! :)

Whoops, here's the pic

This is my daughter Megan all dressed up in costume for this years presentation in The Sacramento Ballet..."The Nutcracker". Tonight's the BIG night! Her first performance as a Cherub. I can't wait! Isn't she cute!!

What a brave girl! I would NEVER have danced and sang for the class!! She did. She's got guts. She had everyone dancing in no time. I pretended like she was embarressing me! Of course she wasn't. Parents only seem to get embarressed when they're kids are acting like spoiled brats.

Katie with her friends, Eliz & Emily.

That kid on the guitar is pretty good!

Ho!Ho!WHOA!

WHOA! Not so typical. This is the way my daughter, Katie's 6th grade room looked AFTER they took down the decorations. My video camera reveals the classroom in it's entire, unedited version of chaos. The kids were handed a challenge. 4 groups, one for each corner. Decorate however you want. On the last day before break, younger classes will get to visit and vote on the best corner. I think I'll post a picture of Santa doing his best Karoke on the teachers desk!

Now it's Christmas time

Typical classroom for a Christmas Party...this is my daughter, Megan's 3rd grade class today. See her in the blue sweater on your right side.

Thea at Therapy

This was VERY difficult!!

Off, off and away

My friend is leaving for her home country of Holland today. Thea is a treasured friend. You might have read about her in a previous post. She was my riding buddy. Horses. We rode them together. I rode her horse, Spur, because I don't yet have one. We bought 2.6 acres so that one day we could have horses. Now I'm not so sure I want them.
refresher :
Last April Thea was out riding with her daughter when the horse she was riding (not hers) reared up and she fell off. The horse lost his footing and fell on her, breaking her back. She is paralyzed from the waist down.

Anyway, she will be in Holland for a month. Her daughter, Stephanie, who is 12 years old, will be with her. The main reason for Thea to go to Holland? To visit her mother. When the accident happened, Thea's mom got the "okay" from her doctor to travel to America to see her daughter. The night before the trip, she collapsed and went into the hospital. It was a very hard time for everyone. Now, finally Thea and her mother will get to see each other. It's been years.

She's in the front of my mind today. Please pray for Thea. I wish you could meet her.

I'm Ready

"Things are crazy these days, time slippin away. I've got the world at hand on me and I don't want to miss a thing, cause there's so much to do and I'm gonna get through. Now I'm ready, ya I'm ready...ready to take it on!"
from the song "I'm Ready" by Angela Michael.


Wow! What a busy time I've had since my last post. Busy, but Great! I've gone roller skating, watched a dress rehearsal for The Sacramento Ballet Nutcracker (with live orchestra), gone to another fancy dinner (food was awful but the company was good ;) , watched "The Polar Express" at the IMAX, more running and stopped by at 5 of my friends houses unannounced.

Oh, did I mention that I made 6 cakes, 2 batches of gingerbread people, sugar and chocolate chip cookies? Saturday was "Christmas cookie baking day". It's the only day of the year that I look forward to cooking/baking. We put on the seasonal tunes, throw on an apron and mess up the kitchen. Don't ya just love holiday traditions?!?! I do.

well, onward. The season is gearing up and oh boy, can it be true? I haven't bought any gifts yet? Oh yeah, presents... maybe Thursday or Wednesday...I have a doc appt on Thursday... I'm thinking out loud again. opps.

Running Blog?

World-

I just had THE BEST RUN of my little life! Oh yeah, was it GREAT! I think I'll start a blog page devoted to my adventures in running. I'm sure some of you don't give a hoot about running and therefore my experiences in that area don't interest you in the slightest.

Another good reason for a run blog- so I can keep track of my progress, why I do it, what it feels like, my ups and my downs. Honestly, how many of you would actually read it?

Okay, put your hands down and stop hollering. I'll do it- ya twisted my arm. Ouch. But first I need a hot shower...I'm soaked, we've had quite a rain storm this morning! Stop thinking that! ha ha :)

Happy to be Human

Happy to be Human

Explode me into Heaven
when the day comes like the sun
but until then I'll live in sin
inside the simple girl
Feel what you want
it is your choice
to be in freedom's wake
the world is warm
and I alone am happy to partake
There is a need
another drink
to fill this selfish greed
Just talk to me
and then you'll see
you're happy to be human.

okay- I must explain this poem. I wrote it at a time when I was feeling particularly selfish. It lives in me, though I wish it wouldn't. From time to time I grab a pen and write it down. Get it out, look at it, and say..."hmmm, that was selfish of me..." then I can change it. How can you change it if you can't see it? The ways of the world seem so warm and inviting, so much that sometimes you can rationalize and reason with it. Justify your selfishness or convience yourself that your not selfish. You did it for someone else. Is that right? Did you do it for you? Admit it...it's true.

Does taking in that canned food make you feel like you've "done your part" to help feed the hungry? How about that toy drive? Coat drive? All these things are good, yes...but make sure you search your heart first. I'm thankful that I'm not one of those needy people. Selfish. Be truely thankful for what you have. What you have is the ability to give. So give. What are you stingy with? Your time, your money, your feelings, your strength, your love, your hope...what? Search.

You're selfish.

You're human.

You can change yourself.

You can change the world.

Be Happy.

My baby is 9!!!

The party theme was "Mr. Incredible"

If I look a bit tired...I am. We went to a fancy dinner party Friday night and I consumed more wine than I should have. About 5 glasses. Bad, bad me...I meant to embelish the cake a little more, but Megan wanted a plain cake with yellow frosting. Okay, your wish is my command...on your birthday anyway!
Nothing like 11 screaming kids running wildly around your house when you have a throbbing headache...literally running around the outside of my house, jumping on rocks and hanging from trees! I don't think I told them once to be quiet. Isn't that what they are suppose to do?? It wasn't their fault my world was spinning. It's mine...oh boy was it mine!!

Shorts Weather??

What does a 9 year old girl like? Polly Pockets, of course!

I know- she's wearing shorts! What a bad mother to let your kid wear shorts on such a cold day! It was cold, but not like the midwest cold. No, nothing like that!!
With the way they were running around, I know the nippy air was not a problem. In fact, I had to force her to wear that sweater!

Pinyata Days

Happy 9th Birthday Megan!

Remember the Pinyata? We made this one together. It's easy and a fun project for them. The ones in the store look so pretty. Hard as heck! Makes me think of the movie where Steve Martin used a saw to cut it open. Yeah, fun...This one took more of beating than I thought it would. Everyone had a chance to wack it! Then two kids used the remnants to make festive party hats. Smart kids, clever kids. I love these kids.

Strength is Pure

Webster's Dictionary defines the following:

Strength, n. 1. power of the muscles.
2. resistance to force.
3. ability of the mind.
4. purity.

purity? Like a refinement process?

Let me tell you, I just had a fantastic run. From my house, down American River, up Westville, down Pointed Rocks, up Paymaster, and back to American River. I waited a bit to long though- the sun shined down and really heated me up. I always wear shorts, but elected for long sleeves today. Yank them up! My leg started out in pain, but once I got going, it subsided and let me smile the rest of the route. These new arch supports are cushy.

hmmm, purity...what do ya think? Our strength? How is strength pure?

Writing with My Eyelids Down

My story, my dream...you're there somewhere. Last on my list of priorities. I have accepted the fact that writing will slow down for a while. There's only so much daylight, right? Make room for Christ & Christmas. Okay- writing will wait. But the cool ideas I get when I'm laying in bed at night. What about those? If I don't get up and write them down, they are gone. A single distant memory of....what was that again?? To tired...exhuasted...wiped out...eyes closing....

No excuse really. Here I am blogging when I could be writing or doing laundry or cleaning house or running (which I will do soon, I'm just waiting for the air to warm up a tad) I remember scrapbooking. I've got loads of albums...I love pictures. But Annie Fanny...that's my dream and if there is any hope of you reading the back cover someday in Borders, I'd better get on it!!

Want to hear how I got the idea?
It plopped into my head one day in Mr. Fahle's class (my daughter's fourth grade teacher). I sat in the back of the room waiting for him to have a moment and my mind went wondering....

What if a girl accidentally gets launched into space and....boy, did it take off from there! I'm having a great time with it. Just wish I could get more done in less time. But there are way to many distractions at home. I need to get a ibook with NO internet access and go sit in a coffeehouse somewhere. Bliss. Wouldn't it be lovely? Damn! $1000.00...but it's a very cool little machine :)

I'm so gadgetie. Thank you for that Carl. I didn't used to be before he came along. All I needed was a bucket of paint and a good brush. Painting? It's been a while...a year? Already? Haven't I done anything? My art has taken a new form. Words. Shape, twist, cry, scream, laugh and I love it all. Someday I'll combine it. Illustrate my own novel. Yeah, I know I can do it! I will.

Have you seen that Madonna writes childrens books now?? OH MY .... very serreal to see her reading to a bunch of preschoolers. YIKES! I guess anyone can change...