A New Shipment of Men From Mars!

I don't know how to write this post without sounding extremely conceited, but I'll try...because it's funny, scary, pathetic and typical of some men.


True story #1.
A cute, young blonde woman goes into a home improvement store to buy a mantle for her fireplace. There are premade kits designed to be installed against a flat wall. Her fireplace already has bricks and a harth. She could build the mantle herself, but would like to buy it premade to save time. She drifts along the isle, studying all her options.
While she is there a little boy (about 2 yrs old) walks up next to her, reaching down to pick up a shelf bracket. His father calls to him..."hey, you found it (boys name), next to the pretty girl!"
She pretends she didn't hear that.
He looks down at the ring on her finger and says.."you can't be married!"
"Yes, I am."
He presses on, asking her which bracket would look better in his newly remodeled kitchen with black granite countertops...a rental property, he adds.
She politely offers her opinion then quickly shifts her focus back on fireplace mantles.
He begins to leave, but the boy lags behind.
"I know you want to stay with the lovely lady... we're lookin for a new mommy, but it's time to go!"
She keeps her head down, afraid to make eye contact. Finally he's gone.
She avoids him like a disease throughout the rest of the store.

True Story #2
The same cute young blonde woman goes into another home improvement store, this time to find tile. She is having trouble deciding between slate (rustic) and granite (modern).
It's a nice sunny Sunday afternoon and the place is packed with motivated do-it-yourselfers.
After a nice conversation with an older man about why his wife makes all their decorating decisions, it's back to... this one? or that one?
Twice a young Asian employee walks by. On the third time he stops and asks if she needs help.
"No, I'm just trying to find the right one."
He sits down on a pallet of cement board and waits.
Feeling a bit uncomfortable, she reaches down and picks up a grey tile. "Does this look green to you?" she askes him.
"Is green your favorite color?" (She is wearing a green t-shirt).
"No, actually it's red." She places the tile back down, turns around and catches him glancing at her butt.
Oh jeez.
Luckily someone else came up to ask him a question. He left, only to find her later in the checkout stand. "That doesn't look like slate!"
"Uh, no. The slate was nice, but to rough."
"Okay then- have fun."

True Story #3.
With her suv loaded down with wood, paint and tile, the cute young woman cringes at the sight that her car is almost out of gas. Even though she's tired and just wants to go home, she'll have to make another stop. Shopping has taken a toll.
She pulls up next to a pump at the station with her windows rolled down and pops the gas tank lid. The usual routine.
Only this time she feels a pair of eyes watching her. There is a man leaning up against his truck on the other side of the pump. She guesses he has nothing better to do than watch her wash bugs off the windshield.
When her tank is full, she tears off the receipt and climbs back into the drivers seat. Turning over the engine, her music overpowers the muffled radio station coming from some outdoor speakers.
Before she leaves she looks up at the man. He smiles. She smiles back. He begins to say something, but she can't hear him. She turns down her music and yells "What?"
"Is your name Jody?"
"Uh, no."
"What are ya doin tonight?"
Stunned she thinks...I don't believe this, now I'm getting asked out!
Frustrated she yells back "MARRIED!"
With a wide open grin, he replies "Okay then, have fun"


All this happened to me yesterday.
Do I have the words "F**k Me" written across my forehead?