The waiting is the hardest part

So folks, I’m going stir crazy.


Gary says to rest, and I know he’s right. But I feel like a big sack of blob just sitting here when I could be out there.

Out where?

On that track right in front of me, that’s where! I’m sitting in my car waiting for Megan’s soccer practice to be over and also waiting for Katie’s bus to pull up (they had an away game today).

Maybe I’ll go for a short run tomorrow, just a little short one? I’ll go slow, no hills (if that’s possible around here).

Right now, running is all I can really think about. I brought my computer to practice because I foolishly thought I could do some work on my story. I can’t concentrate!! I’m nervous- but that’s just fear and fear is not worth the journey it takes you on.
I don’t want to be afraid!
I don’t want to walk.
I don’t want anyone waiting at the finish line for me.

Does that last line sound crazy to you? It’s hard to explain. Eventually I want my family to be there, but not this time…not for this one. This is my first one. It’s just for me. I’ve been so chicken to sign up for anything before now. I want to run it without a fan club, without fireworks, without a fuss, without a surprise.
I want to drive peacefully to Tahoe, run the damn race and drive myself back home with a gentle smile of victory smeared across my face.

You may remember that mentioned one time that I was in a beauty pageant a while back…way back. That’s not the point- let’s move on.
During that time in my life my parents were fighting. They had their own big dramas going on and didn’t make it to my “big night”. I remember feeling disappointed at first, but later I realized that it taught me something that helped me to become the person I am today. Here’s the lesson I learned.
That I can do things for myself…no matter if I succeed or fail. It’s my victory…it’s my failure. Building character depends upon our ability to recognize that.

Some things you just need to do on your own.

I have had several character building moments since then, some good, some bad…one very, very bad…still- I wouldn’t change them. However that last one would be tempting!

Therefore- no cheering crowd for me is what I want…but only just this once!