5 More Days for Alexis

Last night my daughter went to a school dance. Alexis was there. She walked without her crutches. She smiled bravely, tossing her long straight brown hair from side to side.

All the girls her age were sure to notice her stylin fluffy black hat, which has become a popular fashion trend at our school.
Hats have recently become a very import accessory in Alexis's wardrobe. A properly placed hat will cover just enough to hide the pink round swatch of fabric that holds the fake strands of hair of her wig.

Yes, Alexis is wearing a wig. From the first painful cancer treatment, when she held a large clump of her own beautiful blonde hair in her hand, she knew what she had to do.
Her mother handed her the clippers and said, "Either you can do it, or I can."
They had already decided that she didn't want to lose her hair slowly. She didn't want to look sick. So Alexis shaved her own head.

Think about that for a second. This little girl is 12 years old. She loves to play soccer. She is happy and vibrant. She lifts her hands to Heaven and praises the Lord in joyful song. She dances when others would sit. She loves her friends...and calls a cease fire to her foes.

Alexis is 12 years old. Born January 25, 1993 @ 6:30 in the evening. My daughter was born 2 minutes later on the same day.

This morning she went into the hospital for another round of treatments. 5 days of tears, pain and sadness. But somehow I know Alexis will find a way to smile. She will find a joke in the middle of the night. She will need our prayers.

Please say a prayer for Alexis. I would post a picture- but I don't know that her parents would approve.

Happy Halloween

Office Party Gone Wild....Here's Tom showing us his best moves.

Angel

Sarah McLachlan Lyrics
Angel Lyrics
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay

There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins

Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back

And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack

It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness
ohThis glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

I'm like the One

Do You Know Yourself?

Do You Know Your Parents?

Do You Think You are Different From Them?

You Are.

Do You Embrace That?

Do You Think You are Similar To Them?

You Are.

Do You Embrace That?

Do You Take Their Failures?

Do You Share in Their Triumphs?

Do You Know Your Father?

Do You Think You are Different From Him?

Do You Embrace Him?

Accept and Celebrate

Love, Listen & Learn

The Connections Are Real.

Back to Brown

I've enjoyed being a blonde, but I feel the time has come to go back to my roots.

Part of me is sad, but hey, it's just hair.

One of the joys of being a woman is the ability to make outward changes to signal internal emotions.

Change is consistent and always certain.

Jog-a-thon

Today was the jog-a-thon. It was a very hot day.
But absolutely beautiful.
Now you know I've said that this is the best fundraiser. Do you see the birds flying in the sky? Every year we have a parent that likes to set his doves free. He does this to signal the start of the jog-a-thon.
All the kids really seem to love it. They all wait in anticipation, staring at four boxes that contain the pretty white birds. Then for the next hour they are walking and talking to friends or if they are like my child...running like she's got ants in her pants!

Honestly- Megan takes after me, when it comes to running. She loves it. She is better at it than I, however.

Can you believe that little thing ran MORE than I did. Last night I ran 20 laps. That's about 4.5 miles. She ran 22. Her goal was to be the top runner in her grade and I think she just might have done it! All the parents make a big deal out of Megan. I try not to boast- and take the compliments in stride.

I will be so proud to run with her someday. Although I'm pretty sure she's going to kick my butt.
I know she's only 9 now- but can you imagine what she will be like at 15? 20? 25?
She could turn into one of those crazy people who can actually do ultra marathons. Have you seen those people? YIKES! We are talkin 100+ miles!
That is a super crazy long way and no, I don't have any intention to become one of them. However I do admire them. I stand in awe.
Truthfully, I wasn't prepared for how it would hurt. I had a different idea of what running pain would be like. I imagined internally. External had been the reality. Bruised toes and chaped skin.

After the event was over the kids all enjoyed a frozen otter pop. I stood around until the bell rang talking with my friends, of which most of them were there.
It was a fun day for me.

I'm still here...I'm still smilin...because I'd rather smile than frown.

Poem

There’s a place I travel when I want to roam, and nobody knows it but me.
The roads don’t go there and the signs stay home, and nobody knows it but me.
It’s far, far away and way, way afar, it’s over the moon and the sea
And wherever you’re going that’s wherever you are.
And nobody knows it but me.
Patrick O’Leary

Marital Problems

Well, I won't say to much about this...it's kinda personal. Marital problems...hate them, having them. So if you see my posts slowing down a bit, now you know why.

Have a nice day reader.

To many people

Maybe it's just because I live in a small town or perhaps it's just because I went out on a Sunday or more likely I have become less tolerant, but I swear there are more people in my way than ever before.

Too many on the roads, to many in the store, WAY to many in the mall!

Don't get me wrong...I love people. I just don't like to stupid ones. The ones that look like they are about ready to smack their kids in Walmart.
And the ones that stare at me when I'm writing, that's just rude and uncomfortable.

Well Kathy, what kind of people do you like?

Good question.

I like the ones who smile and say something nice when your waiting in line. The ones that take their kids to movies and the ones that that change lanes when you are trying to merge onto the freeway.

Those are some nice folks.

As you can tell, I've been out shopping today. I hate shopping...really I do. I needed to buy trim boards, caulking and a 60t carbon miter saw blade.
That was the fun part. The worst part I saved til the end. Grocery shopping. Yuck!
I'd rather go hungry then spend one more minute than I have to in a grocery store. Especially on a Sunday. Truly the worst time to go parading around the market is on the weekend.
Plus that's when you can never find what your looking for. Honestly, they were out of so many things on my list. Not the right yogurt, only the jugs of 1% milk that were all beat up remained in the case and dang it if I forgot to buy the flour.
O'well.
Life goes on.

I've not had a very good weekend. Please forgive my bellyaching.

Do you ever feel like your on the lookout for a place that nobody has ever been before? A secret little niche where you can simply sit and think for at least 30 minutes, knowing that not one single person would ever find you?

Sounds good, huh?
I used to go places when I was a kid. Ususally they were high places; up on the top of the swingset. Now I perfer the roof. But where is such a place that no person has been?

I search for solitude, but none can be found.

Marathon Rookie

"Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired in the morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."
- George S. Patton, U.S. Army General, 1912 Olympian

I will get there someday. It's mind over matter.

To make you all calm down!

Alright then. I changed a few things. Censoring myself a bit for safety. I had another dream. This one wasn't so crazy, because I know THAT dream could happen.
It's all the talk about young blonde girls getting tracked down and killed because of their blog.

So alright, fine.

My stomach hurts.

Crazy Dream

"Dreams don't always have meaning. Sometimes they're cryptic and confusing!"

That is my horoscope for today. Funny, because last night I had the craziest dream!

Picture a world of people, all going about their business (San Francisco is where I was...in a train station) when a plane in the shape of an ambulance flys in low. Then a flatbed truck with a huge jetliner pulls up and the plane takes off from it. By this time everyone has stopped what they were doing and is silently watching the sky. A large pink and purple dragon is sparkling and swooping down from the sky in between the ambulance and the jet. I begin to look for my children. Everyone is looking for their children. There is fear and a silent sort of panic that aliens have just invaded the Earth. There is also another sense that the food is contaminated. Nobody is talking. Nobody is running. There is a strange quiet calm. Not peace, but calm.

I go home. But it's not really what MY home looks like...still, in the dream- it is my home and MB has a room attached to it where he gives haircuts.
Jeff Foxworthy is his next customer. Jeff sits down in the chair. MB turns around to find that Jeff's head is missing. MB laughs and says, "oh you!"
Jeff's head slowly starts to rise out of his body. It was a joke. Something funny he can do.
I leave them to their antics and take our children into the house. They sit and start watching tv. Everything seems back to normal. I have to go to the bathroom, so I start taking down my pants on the way there. (I don't ever do that!). Then MB comes running in yelling that Jeff just threw up all over the haircutting room.
Just as I get my pants back up and fastened- Jeff comes in behind MB and throws up again. This time right in front of the kids!
We all understand the reason. Jeff Foxworthy ate something that was contaminated.

Then I woke up.
Crazy.

Out of The Blue

Hey everyone who still reads this blog despite the fact that I love running...Please take a second to wish my husband a Happy Birthday!
Thank You.

My Day in Tahoe

The sky was as blue as the lake. The only colors that divided their beauty came from the deep greens of the aging pines and the grey of the granite that dominated their rightful place at the peak of greatness. A large white banner with bright red letters spelled out 'Starting Line" and draped across a narrow section of paved road known as 'Inspiration Point."
At 6800 hundred feet, this is mile #20 for some, #7 for others, but for me (and about a hundred more) this was mile #1. I am running the 10k, the last 6.2 miles of a marathon. I am not wearing a stopwatch. My sights are not set on winning. My goal is to run and not walk.
The first mile was exhilarating! Everything...every pain I've ever endured was worth this mile. I floated down the steep winedy curves with ease and grace. I dodged and ducked around slower runners and walkers. I kept my head up and felt like I could kiss the sky. I praised God silently in my thoughts and gave sincere thanks with every fiber of my undeserving soul.
The second mile came and went with little regard. I slowed up and found my pace by mile #3. The quick descent was starting to take it's toll on me around mile #4.
I was coming down from the mountain where the magestic lake had vanished from my view and was replaced by a forest of tall white aspen trees that seemed to be throwing confetti in the shape of bright yellow fall leaves.
I shared this narrow path with many people. As each one ran past me, I wondered who they were...where they came from...what their story was. However, it was the few that remained within my own physical abilities, that I wondered about the most. Why are they out here? Who is waiting for them at the finish line? What does this mean to them?
Mile #5 brought me to a sign that read 'Pope'. I knew the race ends at Pope Beach. I saw a group of ladies handing out cups of water, but I refused...remembering how difficult it was when I accepted back on mile #3. I can't drink a cup of water that fast. It sloshed back and forth until it was pretty much gone after only a couple steps. I'll have to work on that.
Finally the lake had come back into sight. I smiled. Each leg felt like it weighed 100 pounds, but I didn't want to stop. Not an option...I repeated over and over in my mind. I'm going to finish this. However, the last mile proved to be quite grueling. The route took me away once again from the lake and I was beginning to lose faith in myself. Will I have enough strength to sprint the end? I HAVE to sprint to the finish line! I want to earn that dang metal!
Swarms of people were growing thicker on the sidelines. Families were crowding yellow tape lines with their digital cameras and video recorders, waiting for their heros. Buried deep inside my aching body, I found the hero inside me. I made the last turn and spotted that glorious white 'FINISH LINE' banner. My feet began to accelerate as the screams and shouts of cheer rang out all around me. I did it! I ran it!

Immediately my race number was pulled from my shirt and a metal was placed around my neck. I was ready to fall over. A lady asked me if I was alright. She gave me some water and I thanked her. I thanked God too.

My unofficial time was 1 hour and 7 minutes. Not to shabby.

You raise me up; Go figure!

This will be my last post until after the race. Big day for me and I'm excited. Here are some beautiful song lyrics sung by the extremely talented Mr. Josh Groban. I love this song...it will be first on my playlist. Yes, it is repetative- but if you listened to it, you would never notice. It's what my heart sings to God when I am thankful for his kiss of sunlight, magestic trees and perfect peace.

Josh Groban Lyrics
You Raise Me Up Lyrics


When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.


You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

Now here's the second song on my playlist...:-)

Everlife
Go Figure lyrics

Whoa, whoa

Just when you learned the game of life,
All the rules changed over night,
Whoa, whoa go figure

It seems so wrong to even try,
But taking a chance never felt so right,
Whoa, whoa go figure

You have a dream,
You wanna be,
The center of the story,
Just when you think it's going,
You find a way to keep it going on

Sometimes you fall before you fly,
Sometimes you laugh when you should cry,
Go figure,
When things got messed up,
You wanted to give up,
Nothing seemed right but turned out fine,
Go figure, go figure,
Whoa, whoa

It's so dangerous to play it safe,
You get what you want by giving it away,
Whoa, whoa go figure,
Go figure

Your trying so hard to be someone else,
When all you needed to be was yourself,
Whoa, whoa go figure,
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Not everything you've wanted seems,
It's never just one meaning,
When life starts making sense,
The world is upside down again

Sometimes you fall before you fly,
Sometimes you laugh when you should cry,
Go figure, go figure,
When things got messed up,
You wanted to give up,
Nothing seemed right but turned out fine,
Go figure, go figure

Whoa, whoa, go figure,
Whoa, whoa

You really think your destiny, was a one way street?
You gotta be ready for anything,
Just set your whole life free, yeah

Sometimes you fall before you fly,
Sometimes you laugh when you should cry,
Go figure, go figure,
When things got messed up,
You wanted to give up,
Nothing seemed right but turned out fine,
Go figure, go figure

Sometimes you fall before you fly,
Sometimes you laugh when you should cry,
Go figure,
When things got messed up,
You wanted to give up,
Nothing seemed right but turned out fine yeah, yeah,
Go figure, go figure

Whoa, whoa go figure
Whoa, whoa go figure

The waiting is the hardest part

So folks, I’m going stir crazy.


Gary says to rest, and I know he’s right. But I feel like a big sack of blob just sitting here when I could be out there.

Out where?

On that track right in front of me, that’s where! I’m sitting in my car waiting for Megan’s soccer practice to be over and also waiting for Katie’s bus to pull up (they had an away game today).

Maybe I’ll go for a short run tomorrow, just a little short one? I’ll go slow, no hills (if that’s possible around here).

Right now, running is all I can really think about. I brought my computer to practice because I foolishly thought I could do some work on my story. I can’t concentrate!! I’m nervous- but that’s just fear and fear is not worth the journey it takes you on.
I don’t want to be afraid!
I don’t want to walk.
I don’t want anyone waiting at the finish line for me.

Does that last line sound crazy to you? It’s hard to explain. Eventually I want my family to be there, but not this time…not for this one. This is my first one. It’s just for me. I’ve been so chicken to sign up for anything before now. I want to run it without a fan club, without fireworks, without a fuss, without a surprise.
I want to drive peacefully to Tahoe, run the damn race and drive myself back home with a gentle smile of victory smeared across my face.

You may remember that mentioned one time that I was in a beauty pageant a while back…way back. That’s not the point- let’s move on.
During that time in my life my parents were fighting. They had their own big dramas going on and didn’t make it to my “big night”. I remember feeling disappointed at first, but later I realized that it taught me something that helped me to become the person I am today. Here’s the lesson I learned.
That I can do things for myself…no matter if I succeed or fail. It’s my victory…it’s my failure. Building character depends upon our ability to recognize that.

Some things you just need to do on your own.

I have had several character building moments since then, some good, some bad…one very, very bad…still- I wouldn’t change them. However that last one would be tempting!

Therefore- no cheering crowd for me is what I want…but only just this once!

Fat Man Walking

You've got to read about this guy! He's amazing. Very real.
I found this on Gary's site. Thanks Gary.
:-)

yes, glucosamine.

Oh no you don't!

Find me the super glue, I'm on a mission.

I went into the doctor today cause I'm finally ready to deal with my toe. It's been hurting for a while. In fact, it bruised up and the nail fell off this summer. I grew a new one. Sorry to gross you out, but honestly, it sounds worse than it looks.

The problem? It's my shoes again. I put some big cushions soles in them because I was getting leg pain (shin splints) again. Well, while it took care of that problem I had unknowingly created a new one. Force from the tip of my shoe is putting pressure on my toenail and causing the nail to press on the cuticle. Now it's red and infected. Great. Live and learn.

Tomorrow I'll start a z-pack of antibotics. I hope the pain will subside by Saturday or else it's just one more thing I will deal with.
Oh and Coach Gary- I bought some joint juice and asprin today. I also found a protein bar that doesn't have dairy! I want to be tip top and ready. How about some carrot/apple juice? Tuna, pasta...tomatoe soup. Yum!

What do you mean by running "light"?
I tried running yesterday, but my stomach was upset. I ate at the food court yesterday and ended up feeling so sick I couldn't eat dinner.
Today I'm just tired.
I was hoping to run tomorrow, but you think I shouldn't??

Lake Tahoe

Click on the title of this post, notice it is blue.
I am seriously considering doing the 10k run this weekend. There is a pull inside me screaming...DO IT! RUN IT!

I'm kinda afraid because I've never been in any type of race or event like this. But if I ever hope to run the real deal someday...I need to just take the plunge and start somewhere. Lake Tahoe is beautiful. I'd be running not to far from where we used to live (Homewood).
I'm concerned because a 10k is 7 miles and I'm only able to do 5 right now without stopping. But if I could allow myself a walk once in a while, I'll do fine. I have another concern...the altitude. Higher elevations are more difficult to run in. But the 10k is 99% downhill and the weather isn't suppose to get higher than 65* degrees. I would be doing this on my own. No cheering crowd for me. Michael would need to stay home and take the girls to their respective sports. Katie has a volleyball tournament and Megan has a soccer game.
Even though I'd like a cheering section, it's okay if I don't have one. It's my first race. I'd like to just get out there and see what I can do. For me- running is a personal sport. It's me against myself. Reaching my max and pushing it farther. I've been weak to many years of my life...it's time to be strong.

http://www.laketahoemarathon.com/indexframes.html
I just read...it's not 7 miles, it's 6.2 miles. Well gee- I can do that!!

Almost

I've had this song in my head all last night and this morning!!!


I almost got drunk at school at 14
Where I almost made out with the homecoming queen
Who almost went on to be miss texas
But lost to a slut with much bigger breastes
I almost dropped out to move to LA
Where I was almost famous for almost a day

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost loved you
I almost wished u would've loved me too

I almost held up a grocery store
Where I almost did 5 years and then 7 more
Cuz I almost got popped for a fight with a thug
Cuz he almost made off with a bunch of the drugs
That I almost got hooked on cuz you ran away
And I wish I woulda had the nerve to ask you to stay

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost had you
And I didn't even know it

You kept me guessing and now I'm destined
to spend my time missing you
I almost wish you would've loved me too

Here I go thinking about all the things I could've done
I'm gonna need a forklift cuz all the baggage weighs a ton
I know we had our problems I can't remember one

I almost forgot to say something else
And if I cant fit it in I'll keep it all to myself
I almost wrote a song about you today
But I tore it all up and then I threw it away

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost had you
And I didn't even know it

You kept me guessing and now I'm destined
to spend my time missing you
And I almost had you [x3]

I almost wish you would've loved me too

'Almost' by Bowling for Soup