Let the Pain and the Sorrow be washed away.

All who are thirsty
All who are weak
Just come to the fountain
Dip your heart in the stream of life
Let the pain and the sorrow be washed away
In the waves of his mercy
As the deep cries out to deep.

Where do you go when you soul cries? Do you go to a friend for help?

I do.

The Lord is my best friend. I don't have to wonder if He will judge me...He will. I don't have to worry if He understands me...He does.

Sure I have other friends I talk to, but God is the only one who can pick up on every last conversation as if it just happened. He follows every thread without missing anything. The best part is that no matter what I've said...no matter what I've done...I am still loved and worth dying on a cross for.

All you skeptics out there who think I'm just talking to the wind, explain to me how it is that when I trust and pray, that my load gets lighter? When the pain matches and all I have left to do is surrender it...tell me where it goes?

We each climb our mountains. The rocks are sharp. They make us stumble and bleed. Who is strong enough to sway the boulder just enough out of our path so we are not crushed?

No pain is wasted. From each tear comes strength. My pain is not over. It will only be finished when I return home and all the hurts I could not understand will make sense.

I just got done running 10 miles. I've been sick with a cold, but the road called me. For nearly 2 hours, I was free.

Me and God.

Come Lord Jesus, come.
I am only free when you come.

What is that?

Are you wondering what this is?

It is a tree branch, of course! To be specific, it's a tree branch from a madrone, decorated with a couple strings of green lights.

My dad mounted it in kitchen several years ago and now I don't think the house would look right without it. At Halloween it becomes home to rubber bats, cobwebs & spiders. The other day my girls had fun stringing popcorn and cranberries in addition to my dad's festive flavor.

Thanksgiving Dinner

Dinner at my Dad's House
Yes, I'm drinking wine. Smoking Loon. Yum.

New Camera

27 Days until Christmas...


Howdy Folks!

We finally got a new camera over the holiday break. It is the 5 mp Canon SD400. I've been looking at cameras for a while now. There were many choices, but in the end settled on this one for 2 good reasons.
1. We trust Canon
2. Price was right.

I am the picture taker of the family. What mattered to me was size and quality. I wanted small (got it), but won't sacrifice clarity to get it.

We spent the holiday with my side of the family in Oregon (6 hour car ride). It was a nice little trip, except I was sick. I was the last one to fight the cold/flu. It wasn't to bad, as long as I could keep drugged up with day/night time meds.

Look for more pictures posted soon. I took tons!!
The person in the background above is my very talented brother-in-law, Rick. He is a singer...and sells airplane parts.

Dilbert

Hi Steve!

I know you've had this site posted for months, but I'm just getting around to checking it out. LOVE IT. Now I want to share it with my readers.

Bhawwwaahhhhhaaaa

BTW folks...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING...TURKEY DAY....FAMILY TORTURE DAY....PARADE WATCHIN, FOOTBALL PLAYIN....WHATEVER!!

The Giving Continues...

Forgot to mention...

When I was trying to give my blood today, I ran into one of the teachers involved in putting together the fund raiser for Alexis.

I said to him..."Hey, I was so happy to see the community pull together and raise over 30 grand for Alexis!"

He leaned over and whispered, "actually we topped 40."

40 thousand dollars!

Whoa hoe!!!

So how is Alexis doing? She comes to school a lot more than I thought she would. When she's not at school, she is in the hospital. I believe next week she will have her surgery.

Strike 2

I don't believe it! I just don't believe it!!

1 stupid point!!!!!

Last time I tried to donate blood, I was 2 points low in iron.

Apparently I am anemic.

Why? I made a yummy beef stroganoff for dinner last night and made sure to take a nice helping of meat. I take my vitamins. I drank several bottles of water...I was ready!!

All I can think of is that I must have sweat it all out in yesterdays 12 mile run. That has to be it.

Next time I will remember to do a shorter route the day before. It seems to really make a difference in my blood count.

I'd just not run at all the day before, but you know they tell you not to run for 3 whole days after donating blood and we can't do that!!!

I also had my annual pap test today...oh joy, what a fun day for me! Now let's hope I get a nice little post card in the mail 2-3 weeks from now declaring me "cancer free". The next day phone call is scary.

Making it Match

Emotional pain is hard to understand. "Feelings" are confusing, overwhelming and can be impossible to manage.

Physical pain is easier to comprehend. Your knee hurts, your head aches, you back is killing you! This is the type of pain that is easy to describe, easy to get help for and easy to relate to.

But tell someone that you just don't feel the same way anymore and there is no first aid kit you can run to. No emotional band aid big enough to cover the slowly oozing lava that flows from your heart.

All I want to do is make it match. The emotional pain and the physical pain. In a weird twisted way, I would rather deal with a broken leg, bleeding toes or gut wrenching stomach pain then to deal with the "feelings" that ravage my already boggled mind. One more fight with my spouse, one more bucket of tears and I'm done for. It scares me more than MT. Killer Crazy Steep...and more than a bin full of brownies.

I'm no expert on the subject, but I think I understand why teenagers inflict pain on themselves. You know, the ones who dig their nails into their skin during a particularly boring lecture, drawing blood and creating a nifty little picture with it?

There are several reasons:
1. to make the pain match
2. to feel something...anything and not numb.
3. to get attention from peers
4. something to pass the time

Now theory 3&4 are nothing to worry about. But watch out for 1&2. These are BIG warning signs. It signals that the person is carrying some heavy emotional burdens and trying to find a way to deal with it.

As you can tell, I fall into the first theory. Although I understand what I am doing. Therefore, I am dealing with my emotional pain in the healthiest way I can. I am running my butt off.

Today I found my limit. It's somewhere around 12 miles or so. Almost a half marathon. I want to push that limit. I put myself in so much physical pain today that I cried. I stopped and cried.

It was good for me to do that. Tears are the emotional pain leaving my body.

I want to be healthy.
I want to smile.
I want to love with all my heart.
I want to be everything to everyone.

That last one is impossible.

I know...

Gun Fire at the Ghetto T Town Mall

Here's another account of what happened that you won't hear on the news.

Heaven's Eye

The Picture Says it All...

My fault...it's all my fault.

A plate of brownies all to myself

I just ate about half of a pan of brownies!!!!! Oh crap. Not to mention the wine i had. HOLY COW!!

I feel like i going to hurl.

why the hell did you do that you dumb f&&& kathy????!!!!!!???
GHYYILMN;[psfyioopq8w4rypiwoerj
ad'[fogs[pdfoguialsdfm

becauese the ingrediants down't say MILK!!!

and damn it...I don't get chocolate very often. Think about it man....,how often do YOU get to eat chocolate? Every single month...around your period, right!!!! NOT me babe.

But it doesn't mean i don't LIKE chocoholate. Helll, I'd have it all the time if it didn't put sharp wragged gut rippeing knives through me sorry butt body.

I drank wine.

Maybe that will save my sorry ass. Oh, excuse me. Did I swear? well...

GET OVER IT!!

I'll put on sime dog tags so you can alert my family.

What the hell? It's my world, my thoughts, you may NOT ENTER. besides, i don't think you really want to. crazy silly woman.

Want to get aaway?

Ah shit...where's the bottle? color me Ms. Meanie!!!!!!

And onto the weekend we go...

Since the next couple of days are going to be filled with family, I'm claiming this day as mine!!!

well, at least HALF of this day.

I'm on my way out the door folks.

First errands (yuck). Next how about a movie? Zathura. It only looks good to me cause it has that very cool space scene. Honestly- that's the only reason I'm going to see it. That house floating in space with dirt and roots dangling from underneath....damn fine artwork!! Got my money.

After the flick, I'm making it a tradition to grab an In-N-Out burger.

Ahhh, Love Friday.

Sure, Uh...right. Whatever

Thanks Pandies

You Are an Indie Rocker!

You are in it for the love of the music... And you couldn't care less about being signed by a big label. You're all about loving and supporting music - not commercial success. You may not have the fame and glory, but you have complete control of your career.

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

Benefit Update

The benefit for Alexis raised over 30 thousand dollars.

I love this town.

Toby, the New Horse in Town

Katie on Toby

Megan with Sunset

Megan on Toby

Elska the pony

Hey folks.

I have a new neighbor. Not to be confused with the new neighbors I will have next week. This lady just moved in to the corner house where Izzy (the dog) and her owner (Katie's teacher) used to live.

Her name is Sabrina. She has 3 horses. She thinks my girls are the greatest thing. Give her time...

Toby is a quarter horse. He is 5 years old and is the biggest, therefore he naturally is the boss.
Sunset is an Arabian horse. He is the most beautiful creature when running. Sunset is only a year old and not broken yet. He will be a handful. He ranks 2nd in command.
Elska is a one year old female pony, born in Canada, but purchased from Iceland. She is a rare breed and won't be ready to ride until she is 4.5 yrs old. She is last on the totem poll and tries very hard to push Sunset around.

"Don't let her bully you around like that!" Sabrina shouts to sunset.

Sabrina offered to let my girls come over and meet the gang. We all had the job of brushing Toby before saddling and riding him. This is very important. You must learn to respect and take care of your horse. There is a special bond a human and a horse have. You can usually tell if a horse does not like you.
Horses are wonderful animals. As you can tell...I like them very much. I think they are intelligent and insightful. Instantly I liked Toby. Katie really likes Sunset.
Toby is gentle and caring.
At one point Sunset and Elska were running as fast as they could around the arena and I could tell that Toby really wanted to join in the fun. But because I was on his back, he barely trotted.
Toby doesn't really know me yet and isn't sure what to do with me. As time goes by, and he begins to trust me...I'm sure this will change.
One thing you never want to do is look a horse in the eye. That is an aggressive behavior. Humans are predators. Look down and to the side. They will naturally come to you. Horses like people.

And in this neighborhood...people LOVE horses.

I am going to look into getting lessons for my girls. Living where we do and NOT having your children learn to ride is almost irresponsible. It's like owning a pool and not teaching them how to swim.

At some point they will ride a horse. Even if we don't own one. Many of their friends do.

Besides...isn't this more useful than knowing how to dance?

Smoke in the Kitchen, Pie in the Oven

I am domestic. As much as I hate that sometimes...I am like a trained dog longing to run in the wild.

Enough of the drama Kathy...

I baked 2 chicken pot pies today. Not the frozen kind you pull out of box and bake. Not even the kind where you open a can of something and peel open a premade pie crust. OHHH NOOO

I make mine from scratch. The crust, the filling...it's all ME baby.

The only thing that starts out frozen is the chicken and the peas. The rest is fresh.

Why did you make 2 pies?

Good question.
One for us and one for the neighbor.

Oh Kath, that's so nice of you!

Please...hold your compliments for the end.

I might have mentioned before, we have very nice (and rich) neighbors. Remember that spa tub I put in the bathroom? Remember how I said our neighbors gave it to us?
Well, I'm finally getting around to paying them back.

Let me get this straight...they gave you a gorgeous, slightly used spa tub that cost upwards of 1 thousand dollars and you give them a lousy pot pie?

Uhm, yeah. But watch it mister....it's not lousy. It is the best damn pot pie this side of the Rockies!!

Honestly, what can you give rich people that they don't have already?

It's a very good thing I am finally taking over the pie. We just found out that they are leaving this Wednesday. They sold their massive house to a contractor and heading for a 10 acre parcel in Virginia. Why are they moving? This place is so wonderful!
I know.
Well, for one- they don't have kids. It's easier to just pull stakes and move.
Second- they are both pilots and this new place is closer to where they will soon start flying out of.
Third- some folks in this town are still mifted at them for disregarding the rules and clearing out a very old cherry tree orchard.
GET OVER IT PEOPLE!

I almost forgot...smoke.
No big deal really....the pie bubbled over and hit the element. Smoke caused the smoke detector to go off. It happens.

Wish I liked cooking more, but truth is I don't.
3 hours in the kitchen is not my idea of fun.

Another Candle Party

I have 2 friends that sell candles.

Twice a year I host a party. Last week I enjoyed the company of 5 friends in my house talking about everything from candles to Avon. We drank tea and snacked on cinnamon swirl loaf bread.

Tonight I'm going over to Jen's house. She has a friend that sells Gold Canyon Candles. I've never smelled those before.

Saturday it looks like I'll be attending yet another party for candles. I have a good friend in Sac that sells Salt City Candles. I know those are great. I always buy the Salt City ones. First I'll be getting a massage from a different friend who is learning be a physical therapist.

Looks like I'll be set for the season.

BTW- my favorite scents are cinnamon vanilla, baked apple, sugar cookie and most things spicy.

Quote

“Faith is realizing that I am useful to God not in spite of my scars but because of them.”
—Pamela Reeve

A Loving Community

Me, Perry King and Dub Wood

Alexis and Katie


I knew there was going to be a big turn out and I was right. It was great to see our community pull together for such a special little girl.

We opened our hearts and pocketbooks. I felt guilty only spending a couple hundred. Many of my friends had plopped down twice as much for things like Raiders & Kings tickets, ipods, baskets galore and trips to Tahoe. I have never seen so many items for auction. Perry even donated one of his classic old trucks!

I put my name on a few things and I tried to win the acting lessons from Perry King at the live auction. But in the end I went away with 4 1-hour horseback riding tickets at Alpine Meadows and a couple suburban model trucks (you know those heavy little toys for collecting). I plan on giving them to my dad for Christmas (shhh, don't tell him).

I met a lady named Sue. I won't say her last name cause I don't know that she'd want me to. Her daughter (Mary) was the voice of Boo in the Pixar movie Monsters Inc. Her daughter is the same age as Megan and was surprised to see that Megan looks very much like Boo. She had donated a couple books that were signed by the director, artists & voices from the movies Monsters Inc. and The Incredibles.
I bided on the Monsters Inc book. Unfortunately there was another lady that wanted it so much that she kept outbiding me by $1.00. It was really ticking me off! Finally I let her win.

I ran into Sue again and told her about my bidding war. She was so fun to be around. She gave me her card and told me to go to Amazon.com and find the book. She wants me to send it to her so she can personally have it signed by everyone and she'd send it back to me.
Wow! I was so impressed with how nice she is.

When we got home there was a message on our machine. It was Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Oh, and Thea said she'll give Perry a call and we'll all do lunch. We won't even have to talk Hollywood- he just bought another horse. We can talk about that. Okay, that sounds fine. If I would have gotten the acting lessons (and lunch) with Perry- it would have been a Christmas gift for Katie. She loves drama.

Now back to what this night is about. Alexis. I believe the reason the turn out was so great...the reason that everyone gave so much is because this child in one of ours. We all know that this could be our child with Cancer. Many of these people here tonight have known her since she was a baby. I have only known her for 2 years, but that does not matter. We are all connected. We attend church as a family. We play soccer games as a family. Our children ride the bus and play at the pool together. When one hurts, we all hurt.

I'm very excited to see what the finally amount raised will be. I expect a sum around 20grand. Has to be. I heard someone say they made 8grand just on the spaghetti dinner alone.

Insurance covers 90%. But when you're talking about bone cancer...10% is more than most can handle.
Lord, I pray that Alexis will feel the love that this little community of less than 3 thousand people are giving. The best thing that could happen is that Alexis will be healed. Give her the strength to fight.

Jarhead

I went to see Jarhead today.

I will try to restrain myself. I don't want to give out to much information since today is opening day.
However, I can say that it was not as gory or violent as I thought it might be.

It answered many questions that I had, but since it did come from Hollywood- I know I'll have to read the book if I really want an accurate account of the military.

There is one line from the movie that settled deep into my soul.

"Each war is different, but all war is the same."

At least I think that was the line. I know that was the meaning anyhow. Different circumstances, different tactics, different terrain, different enemy.
But war and the effects it has on a person remain the same. Killing is necessary and the desire to kill lives just below the surface of human beings. You don't have to dig very far to find the evil, the hatred, the ugly side of violence. To a soldier, seeing the evil that lives within his own being is more frightening than the enemy.

You learn to see that evil and understand the face of anger. Either you go crazy or you open your eyes and take in a new level...a new meaning of yourself. The demons you didn't know existed will cause you to crave a killing, as if you deserve one. You have, after all, worked so much, trained so hard...

Now don't go thinking that this is my position on war. It is my thoughts on war and the effects it has. It is my unbias observation. Well, as unbias as one can be sitting in a movie theater.

I leaned forward in my seat for over half the movie.

I did not eat popcorn or drink soda.

I watched a young man sitting a few rows ahead. He had the type of hair that screamed military. He laughed and nodded his head in complete relation with specific scenes.
Scenes that only someone who has "been there done that" could relate to.

I wanted so bad to ask him a few questions after the flick...but decided against it. I was alone and taught not to talk to strangers. Good advice...I suppose.

One more thing...I have heard people talk about living on a military base. My dad worked on one for years. Some think that because it is so different that it has been dubbed "not the real world".
I disagree.
Who lives in the real world? I live in one where three hundred thousand dollars is not enough to buy a home and four dollars is considered to much money for the perfect cup of coffee.

ahhrrrgg

Here's the only thought that matters...

Hate is strong...but love is stronger and always will be. Period.

Sweet!

You are Napoleon Dyanamite and a buttload of gangs
are trying to recruit you.


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Halloween

My Halloween was half great, half crap. I just couldn't stop crying the first half of the day. But please, don't ask....

Once I finally pulled myself together, I realized that Megan and I hadn't carved our jack-o-lanterns yet. So we ate dinner on the front porch and had a good ole time cutting up the big orange fruit and scooping out their guts. Here's what mine looked like...



After we were done we threw on our costumes and jetted out the door. We were only a little late for the party at the church. It was fun. Food, games, horse rides and of course tons of candy. Megan spent most of her time at the cake walk. She dressed up as a wicked witch...you know the one that the house fell on? She was so cute in her striped stockings. Katie dressed up as Carrie from the Steven King novel. She wore her red bridesmaid dress (prom dress) and with wet hair...man did she look convincing.

You can see from the picture above that I wore one of my old cheerleading uniforms (I can't believe it still fit) and Thea painted her face and stuffed straw in her hat & shoes to be a scarecrow.
Just look at this picture...



Their shirts say...TOUGH GUYS WEAR PINK
Now, you gotta love that.