Sadness moved forward

This morning was quiet and somber as I drove the narrow mountain roads towards the courthouse in Placerville. I didn't feel like listening to my usual upbeat music. In fact, music was the last thing I wanted to hear. Words in my head and tears on my face were more than enough to pass the time.
Halfway there, I pulled over. I removed a pad of paper from my purse and searched for a pen. These are the thoughts I needed to write down...

"I know I have to do this even though it makes me sad. The birds are still chirping and the deer still wonder through the forest. The sky is white and it seems like the trees grew a blanket of moss overnight. The rain stopped falling and the wind died down. A vail of leaves drape me on both sides.
A few stolen moments of reflection overflow my soul. Looking ahead the road curves before I can see the finish. Where am I going? Behind me I can not see the start. I do not regret where the road has brought me thus far."

I spent 4 hours going over paperwork and talking with experts at the family law center. I filed my papers and got a case #. The ball is not quite rolling yet. First MB must be served. The clock starts ticking after that. I am the one who chooses who will serve him. I am not allowed to do it. However, this is not going to be a surprise. We went over the petition last night. I also showed him the papers he will get when I got home. This feels strange, but I am hopeful that it is the right thing to do. He will get better. I know it.

I stepped outside the courthouse into the pouring, weeping rain.