Relate to me in Pictures. Words from a broken heart.
GRAND JUNCTION, COLORADO. I didn't even get off the plane. I leaned outside the cabin to take this picture. It was beautiful here.
FIRST OFFICER, RICK LUMLEY. Have a coke and a smile!
CAPTAIN BOB DONOHOE.
ME taking a break to enjoy the view from the flight deck and chat with the guys.
LAKE TAHOE. If you could see Reno and Carson City in this picture it would be at the bottom of the frame.
As for me and my drama- things were calming down until yesterday. Yes, another episode. I will file divorce soon. I am so frustrated because he doesn't care about himself. He just wants to die. I can't save him. I want to....but I can't. I can't force him to believe that he is God's beloved child or that he has a place in this world. I can't make him want to live.
There is only one with that power and He gave us the freedom to choose when we were created. This power floods our soul when we accept Him. It did for me. I remember it well. I still feel it today.
The power of the Holy Spirit. I believe and have faith that it alone can save Michael. But he has to choose it.
Live for what? Myself? My God? My kids? What?
Does it feel like you live in this place that doesn't make sense? Hold on. Help is on the way.
posted by Kathy at 9:28 AM
4 Comments:
A fish swims through the sea,
while the sea is in a certain sense
contained within the fish!
Ah, what am I to think
of what the writing of a thousand lifetimes
could not explain
if all the forest trees were pens
and all the oceans ink?
I'm praying
Ron
10:56 AM
Often when I wonder why God "allows me to keep on suffering", etc....I think about the following passage.....I want very much for MB to read it.....C
Thornton Wilder’s one-act play “The Angel That Troubled
the Waters,” based on John 5:1-4, dramatizes the power of the
pool of Bethesda to heal whenever an angel stirred its waters.
A physician comes periodically to the pool hoping to be the
first in line and longing to be healed of his melancholy. The
angel finally appears but blocks the physician just as he is
ready to step into the water. The angel tells the physician to
draw back, for this moment is not for him. The physician
pleads for help in a broken voice, but the angel insists that
healing is not intended for him.
The dialogue continues—and then comes the prophetic
word from the angel: “Without your wounds where would
your power be? It is your melancholy that makes your low
voice tremble into the hearts of men and women. The very
angels themselves cannot persuade the wretched and blundering
children on earth as can one human being broken on the
wheels of living. In Love’s service, only wounded soldiers can
serve. Physician, draw back.”
Later, the man who enters the pool first and is healed
rejoices in his good fortune and turning to the physician says:
“Please come with me. It is only an hour to my home. My son
is lost in dark thoughts. I do not understand him and only you
have ever lifted his mood. Only an hour. . . . There is also my
daughter: since her child died, she sits in the shadow. She will
not listen to us but she will listen to you.”
11:02 AM
That is a very good story C. I enjoyed it very much. I do not want to kill myself, even though Kathy thinks that is all I want to happen to me. Just at this point in my life I can not see much of a future without my wife and daughters living in the same house, with love and laughter filling the kitchen. I love them all SO much and the things I am doing are driving me crazy. It is like I have little control over my thoughts and I get so lonely when the house is empty. I am scared to be alone. If I can't be by myself for a few days without causing drama, how can I possibly live alone all the time? I do not want to ever get married again. I said "I do" and "til death do us part" to Kathy and I meant those words. I will always consider her my wife and the love of my life, even if and when she chooses to file for divorce. God is trying to get into my heart, but my heart is very black right now and is rejecting any love and hope. All I can hope for at this point is that we can get along, I can start making better choices and that we can still live in the same house for a little longer. It is our home. I don't want to get rid of it, even if the only part I really stay in anymore is the cold downstairs room. At least it is in the same house as my girls. I am grateful for that.
11:16 AM
I am so sorry. I'll be thinking of you guys. I wish I could do more.
4:30 PM
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