Time Out! Go back to your corners.

Most often what you plan and how it goes rarely match.

I planned on making Michael find another place to live. What happened is that he's living in the room downstairs.
I planned on filing for separation this week. What happened was that I purchased a book on how to do your own divorce in Ca.

The past couple of days have been fair. We have had several discussions while all the other times tried to just stay out of each other's way. It's been civil.
I hope to keep it that way. The divorce will be much more pleasant for everyone if we can remain friends and reach agreements.

MB has a lot to make up for. He knows it. I don't trust him and I hate saying that. I want him to be a part of his girls lives. He's their daddy...and as a "daddy's girl" myself, I know what they could be missing out on. I want him to get well and be stable. I want forgiveness in my home. I can forgive, but it doesn't fix what is broken.

As you have already figured out- I don't think MB is going to harm us. If I did, the girls and I wouldn't be here. He is rational and not drinking. I don't know how long it will last...I always hope this is the last time. Sounds like the words of a co-dependent, huh? Well, I am by default. I am not pretending or lying to myself. I am not covering up his behavior or making any excuses. We all make our own choices. I choose to separate myself from an unhealthy relationship.

I still hold to the fact that MB is a good person. He has problems that are difficult. But I know he can beat them. This is how I know our marriage has run it's course...I want him to be happy with someone else, when he is ready.

The past two weeks felt more like two years. Today I cried for the first time since it all started. I wiped them away quickly. It's not time for that. I'll do that later.