Misunderstood again

First off,

Crew support tried to take away my trip this morning by changing my schedule from the 4 day to a local. But I didn't acknowledge it online and when they called, I didn't answer. I knew that if they couldn't get ahold of me then they couldn't change it.

I still wasn't sure if I was obligated to answer the phone since I am a reserve. I don't want to get a SAD (scheduled assignment deviation). So I called my chief flight attendant. She said that what I did was fine and well within the rules. While we were talking, she saw that my 4 day trip to MKE was back on my etrip. Yippee!

I was so ticked off to see that they tried to take my trip away from me. I've been looking forward to this one.

In all the confusion I ended up reporting for my trip a whole hour early. Opps. I grabbed a burrito and waited. I was given a ticket that read, seat 22A.
Finally it was time for Zone 8 to board. I handed the lady my ticket and walked down the jetway. Before I could step onto the plane, she came running down and told me to wait. Soon she was back in view telling me to take seat 5A.

Okay! That's first class! Dang, I'm lucky.

I used my first class treatment to study up on the 700 AFT position. This time I was not going to get caught off gaurd. This time, I wanted to know exactly what I was supposed to be doing.

Everything was going great. I got to the crew lounge in Salt Lake City and printed out my trip. Soon I spotted my first officer. I went up and introduced myself. I gave him the brownies and we started to discuss the trip.

I told him that I've only flown on the 700 once. He looked at me funny and said, "Well, we're flying the 900."

WHAT! The 900?!?

Of course my first thoughts were "oh shit! I didn't study for the 900. I've never been on the 900. The announcements are different for the 900! Where's my manual??!!"

In seconds I had my book out and digging for the pre-departure announcement. It was worse than I thought. There are 2 full paragraphs that are added for the 900.

Luckily, another flight attendant who noticed my panic, told me to just make a copy and read it on the plane. She said they all do that.

Really? I thought all announcements HAD to be memorized?

Well, I had no choice really. I wasn't going to be able to memorize all that in the next 10 minutes. So I took her advice, printed it out and stuck it in my pocket.

When it came time to read it, I still messed up and said there were 2 overwing exits. I quickly corrected myself...4 overwing exits! I didn't like reading off the paper because I couldn't pay attention to what the other FA was doing. We are supposed to be in sync.
At least not that many people watched me mess up. This is a 70 passenger plane with 10 first class cabin seats. We had only 15 passengers tonight.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll do better. My crew is pretty cool. They like my brownies and my disco ball joke.

BTW- The 900 is a nice plane! They are brand new and have that "new car" smell. I'm in Heaven! Except for the new seat belt on the jumpseat. That I could do without. It's supposed to sit nicely at my waist, but instead it had me pinned to my seat with the buckle just under my boobs! Drove me crazy!

Back to Work

Oh JOY!

Me so Happy!

Yes, I'm going back to work. Tomorrow I start my TDY trip on the 700. I hope everything goes okay at home. I know I'll be fine in the air. BTW- 'I feel safer on an airplane' is a cool song. Thank you Ron!

I don't really know what to pack, so I feel like I'm packing everything. Actually I have been packing the last two days. I'm moving out on the 6th. Did I already write that in the last post? Yeah, I did. O'well.

Today I bought a nice sectional sofa. I've never bought a new sofa before and I figured if I didn't do it now, I never would. It is apartment sized and contemporary. I choose a light tan suede fabric that they say is waterproof and washable...meaning I could srub it, if something tragic and awful were to happen.

Good night all. I've been petting my dog and now my eyes are all puffy and Megan said I have bumps all over them. Great.

One more quick bit of news...I almost hit a buck tonight. That's good news because I didn't hit him. I swerved.

Why can't we have it all?

I just got off the phone with my lawyer and I've got to tell you, I'm a bit discouraged.

I know I must plan for the worst case senario, but that is so tricky.

Long term, I may be able to work something out with my parents help. But in the short term (6 months) I need to rely on Michael to watch the girls or I have to get a new job.

I am moving out next week because Michael won't. I am actually looking forward to having my own place and for our current situation to change.

I am gone a lot with my job anyway, so it's mostly just a place to sleep that isn't under the same roof as Michael. Besides, I would like the girls to be able to finish out the school year here.

Now the problem is...getting full custody if I move out and leave the girls with him. The judge will ask why I did that if he is such a incompitent parent.

Well, my hope is that he will stop drinking and we can share custody. The only reason I want full is to protect the girls.

But I don't want to work at Safeway. That's what my lawyer suggested.

I don't want to be in this spot...choosing between my kids and my job.

The tow truck is here to get the smashed up tundra.

It's gone. Mind if I take a second to scream?

TAKE THAT PIECE OF SHIT OUT OF HERE!!!! I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN!!! ::(

MKE and back to me moving out

I HATE YOU!

That's what I said. He won't move out and I can't legally make hime leave. So I'm back to ME moving out. He swears he won't drink with the kids, but of course that's a lie. I don't believe anything he says. I have absolutely NO reason to believe him.

I never thought I could hate anyone, and I probably don't. But if I stay here, this anger bubbling inside me will harden and turn to bitter hate. I will live with a rock made of cold molten lava for a heart.

I don't want to be like that. I want to hold onto to who I am now. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to hate.

I hope it will go like this;

I will move out.
I will trust that the girls will be okay here.
The house will be listed this spring and sold by summertime
Kaytee will get to graduate 8th grade with her friends.
The situation will be clearer and a solution will present itself

One day at a time.

BTW- The bills did not get paid and I didn't work on my forms. Uhhh. Tomorrow.

Oh yeah, MKE...that's the airport code for Milwaukee. I got a 4 day trip that starts Feb. 2nd. It's on the 700! I am the FF flight attendant. Facing Forward. That's what I did last time. It's the aft position and I'm more comfortable with it.
I will be overnighting in Milwaukee the first night, PIT (Pittsburg, PA) the second and back to MKE the third night. I'm looking forward to it.
I even get to fly into Atlanta. I have a long layover the third night. Who knows what fun things there are to do in Milwaukee?

Happy Birthday to my Cute Kaytee!

Heaven Help ME!!! Katie (Kaytee) is turning 14 years old today. I feel bad because we sort of had a fight this morning. It was stupid and I know we will both be over it by the time she gets off the bus.
Everyone says we look alike and sound the same on the phone. In fact her friends often mistake me for her and start right in on their conversations when I answer. I have to stop them and say, "this is Katie's mom."
I got so mad at two of her friends that kept prank calling at 6am on Saturday. Uhhh. Teenagers! I'm usually pretty cool about that, but NOT at that early hour.

The plans for today are as follows;

1.) Bake a cake and wrap her gifts. As you may recall from my less then sucessful trip to San Francisco, I already bought and gave her the iHome. However I can't stand not having something for her to open on her actual birthday. Just in case she reads this before tonight, I'm not going to tell you what the present is. Sorry. I will tell you that she's getting a digital camera from grandma (at least she better be) because Katie is talented with one. She should be a photographer someday.

2.) Finish my divorce form 142 Preliminary Disclosure of assets and debts. This need to be served to him and then form 141 to be filed with the court. Let's get this moving people!

3.) Pay bills? Yuck.

4.) Go out for dinner. Kaytee's choice is 'FRESH CHOICE'.

That's enough for one day. Unless of course I get called in to work! Hahahahhhhaaaaaa.

I am on reserve. My plans could change...but they probably won't. I miss working, flying, smiling, swapping, crossing seat belts, picking up trash, accidently spraying freshly shaken tomato juice on people... wait a minute, am I insane?

I did get the opportunity to have lunch with a good friend yesterday that I haven't seen since last March. Also I ran 3 miles on the treadmill last night.

Friends and Exercise...good for the soul, good for the mind.

Cars don't need engines.

Yes, I am writing this. Let your mind ingest it slowly.

Dictionary states: "Patience is the ability to endure waiting, delay, or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset, or to persevere calmly when faced with difficulties."

Now Switch Gears:

Provocation;

We think by recognizing patterns and reacting to them. These reactions come from our past experiences and logical extensions to those experiences. Often we do not think outside these patterns. While we may know the answer as part of a different type of problem, the structure of our brains makes it difficult for us to link this in. Provocation is one of the tools we use to make links between these patterns.

So how do we do it?

Think of something stupid.

Statements need to be stupid to shock our minds out of existing ways of thinking. Once we have made a provocative statement, we then suspend judgment and use that statement to generate ideas. Provocations give us original starting points for creative thinking.

As an example, we could make a statement that 'Houses should not have roofs'. Normally this would not be a good idea! However this leads one to think of houses with opening roofs, or houses with glass roofs. These would allow you to lie in bed and look up at the stars.

I have wanted a glass roof since I was a little girl.

Kathy! Come inside and go to bed!

But m -o-m, I'm watching shooting stars!

Do cars need engines?

Get mad...Paint the fence red.

One good thing about getting mad is that things get done.

This afternoon my mood starting going south. What started out as an okay day, mutated into a tangled ball of ticked off thoughts. By 5pm I was fuming. I had already vacuumed, washed the dishes and started the laundry. It was time to turn my frustration elsewhere.

I stepped out into the garage and spotted 2 cans of fence paint. I've been meaning to paint that fence for months now. Ah, what the heck!

I did one hell of a sloppy job, but I do feel better. Tomorrow I'll have to go out there and salvage my rampage. It's probably not that bad. However I did paint until it got very dark.

I love to paint and red is my favorite color.

Megan stayed home sick and it looks like Katie is next. I put my foot down and sent them both to bed early. 8 o'clock! Geez Kathy, how'd ya do that? I have no idea.

Lyrics

Here's a song I just discovered...It's called HOPE HAS WINGS by BRIE LARSON

When I'm stuck on the ground
There's no up only down
Every slip sends me falling
Not sure how to begin
How to rise like the wind
So that soon I'll be soaring

I just breathe And let myself believe

(corus)
Cause hope has wings, to carry you
Anything, is possible
Just might be a miracle waiting to come true,
So I lift my eyes, and see the sky
feel my heart begin to fly
I will be carried by my dreams
Cause Hope has wings

I could climb through the clouds
Far away from the doubt
That would be so amazing
Feel the sun on my face
Such a beatiful place
Now I know that its waiting
Skating safe with courage and with faith

(repeat chorus)
Like a queen, like a spark I make the change
There's a star in the dark
Calling out my name
Follow me I can see now I'm on my way

(repeat chorus)
I have a new heart that lives in me
And I swear oh, it sets me free It shines a light that's everywhere
Looks inside and takes me there
(repeat)

** My thoughts on this song** It's exactly how I feel most of the time. I'm forever hopful. My dreams will never fade.

Sleeping Cap

When did I start thinking 6 hours a night was acceptable?

It's not. Today I find myself exhausted. I am on reserve and hoping they don't call me, simply because I want to sleep. Yesterday I did a round trip to LAX. It was a show time of 5am. That meant I had to get up at 3am. It was the beginning of a 4 day trip that the regular FA decided to take vacation hours for those first 2 legs so she wouldn't have to get up so early. Fine with me...her laziness got me in the air. I miss my job. Although I'm finding it more difficult to smile and be as happy as I'd like to be.

I spent the next 5 hours sleeping at the airport on ready reserve. Well not all 5 hours were spent sleeping. It was difficult to sleep because 3 burly men were tearing down walls in a storage shed that ajoined the one next to my head.
I remember screaming..."GO TO LUNCH!" and you know what, they did! I managed to sleep half of my reserve time until they walked into my room in the crew lounge and flipped on the lights looking for the power control panel. "oh, I'm sorry- did we wake you up?'
"Yah, you did. Thanks a lot." Now of course that's not what I said. I'm to nice. It was more like..."Yeah, but that's okay- I needed to get up anyway." Liar.

The other half of my ready reserve, I did things like work on Annie and talk with my lawyer.

For the last week I've been sleeping with an oversized red, soft, fleece hat on my head. Now I know why people used to do this. Sleeping caps make a lot of sense. They keep your body heat in so you stay warmer, plus it works great to keep the light out of your eyes. I can just pull it down over my eyes and it blocks the light and provides weight, which helps my eye muscles relax. It's like having a blanket for my face without covering my nose (which I can't stand). I have been falling to sleep faster and waking up more refreshed. If you really need to get to sleep fast, use earplugs as well. It's fool proof!

You should try it. I totally recommend it.

I'm Okay...REALLY

I keep smiling...knowing that I won't be sad forever.

So DAMN mad, I could punch out the pope!

Not really. I would never punch the Pope for pete's sake. What kind of Christian would I be? Gee whiz.


I wonder if all this attention I give him on my blog feeds his obsessive need to control me?

He deserves consequences. BIG ones!

It doesn't look like he's going to get what he needs. A good kick in the butt would be a nice start.

I just got off the phone with his dad. Me and his dad have always had an unusual relationship. I never hold back in telling him exactly how I feel. This time was no exception.
His reaction was, "I love my son and I want him to get his life straightened out."

Yeah, I've wanted that for a long time too. Wantin aint gettin.

I'm not saying I want him to lose his job, but he should have a long time ago. His job is enabling him. He doesn't appreciate the easy job he has. He actually wanted me to call work this morning and lie to them about his wearabouts.

Hello, hi.. uhm, this is Kathy, I'm sorry MB's not going to be able to come into work today because HE'S IN JAIL!

I wasn't going to lie. They have bent over backwards for him. He has been a good employee (not including the last year.) Right now he has no common sense and I've decided it's a waste of time to talk to him.

Looks like his drivers license is only restricted for the next 4 months and the truck might actually be covered under our insurance. See what I mean...he's getting off easy. He didn't kill anyone this time...but next time??

ENOUGH!!

Enough attention Michael. No more soup for you!

I took our dog, Valena to the vet today. She is going to be fixed and have her shots. My poor puppy. She's such a good dog. Honestly, her personality is number 1.

This afternoon Megan and I went over to Denise's house. She lives more in the woodys part of this beautiful place. We all went for a hike on a trail by her house. It was gorgeous. I loved spending time with my friend. It was good for us to get out in the fresh air. Megan also liked spending time with her friend, Emma, Denise's daughter.

Worse? or Better?

This is how I know God loves me...

I'm sorry this post is going to be long, but bare with me. Much happened today.

This afternoon (after my manicure and pedicure that felt sooo good) I need to kill some time while my new tires were being put on my car. I decided to walk to a used bookstore that I knew existed around the corner. On the way there, I got honked at. It was my friend, Jenny.
We talked for a while as her car idled in a coveted parking spot on the crowded main street. She offered her help to me anytime I needed her...and I know she meant it. We said good-bye and I went on my way to the bookstore. Just before I walked in, a couple I recognized was walking out. He works with MB and didn't know of our pending divorce.
While I was conversing with them, one of my bestest friends walked up next to me with the same destination in mind...the cool little used bookstore. Denise and I had a lot to catch up on.
She had time and we walked over to a nearby coffee shop. We sat on the couch and drank tea. I was adventerous and decided to have the beef and bean chili.

We had a great time! Unfortunately we had to part ways and I walked back to the tire shop to pick up my car. I smiled and thanked God for the friends he brings into my daily life. Especially when I least expect them.

At home I saw that MB's truck was in the lower driveway, so I knew he was home though I didn't see him. A short time later I heard his truck leave. That was at about 3pm.

Katie had gone to the movies with her friend and I was to pick them up at 5:30. There was a bit of miscommunication as to which mom was going to pick them up and so I had the joy of bumping into another friend. We talked for just a minute through the windows of our cars in efforts to stay warm.

On the drive home, Megan and I both noticed a helicopter circling with his spotlight on in the canyon. That's not really a good sign. It usually means there's been an accident. Once the cars stopped I figured that must be it. I wondered...as most people do, if it is someone they know or heaven forbid...a loved one.

As we pulled up, I saw that it was MB's truck all smashed in on the passenger side. Katie immediately burst into tears. Megan and I reacted the opposite of Katie. Quietly. We all scanned the scene for him. I spotted him sitting on what looked like a tire. He was alert and talking with a fireman. It was dark and I couldn't tell if he was bleeding, but he seemed to be fine. Since there isn't any place to pull over on the narrow canyon road, I drove on.

Was that heartless of me? I don't feel there was anything I could do. If he's drunk (which is likely) the police will come and take him to jail until he's sober. I will deal with it tomorrow.

Megan said, "at least nobody got hurt. He has to learn a valueable leason." How did she get so smart? Katie freaked out and yelled at me. She called her friends to include them in her drama. When we got home, Megan turned on the tv and asked, what's for dinner?

Yeah, it's going to be alright. 20 minutes ago I got this email from Thea. She doesn't know what happened yet, or how much the following words hit home today. Thank you Lord for the friendship of my sisters.

Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT.........
Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.
A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...Or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I.
When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.

Now you can't tell me that God doesn't exist. He lives and loves me like no one else can. His timing is perfect. Did I forget to mention that I called my mom today? That is a rare event for me, but while I was sitting there getting my feet rubbed this morning...I wanted my mommy. I didn't know why? Now I do. She wasn't available, so I called and talked to Savanna for 30 minutes.

No Trips Were Found & California Cold.

Day three on reserve and at least I can say that I got out of the house. I needed to get some errends done. The usual stuff...pick up the dry cleaning, gas up the car, need new tires and an oil change, etc. But also some not so usual stuff like...find a new place to live.

I didn't have much sucess with my "to do" list. The tires will have to wait until Monday along with the oil change. I did get my dry cleaning and gas. But as for "new place to live..." the hunt is still on.

C'mon Kathy, did you really think you'd find THE place on the first day of looking?

Well, I was hopful. I considered a 2 bed/1 bath apt. in town that I got to look at, but it's just to close to where MB works. I don't want him driving by all the time to check on me. I won't even be there much myself. I'm getting more desperate though, as MB is driving me crazy. Last night he drank again and I didn't realize it until I saw him this afternoon and he could barely walk.

We have an issue going on with the house. The temperature droped last night and our pipes froze. Today people I talk to are asking me..."Why didn't you wrap the pipes yesterday?"

Uh, well...let me see...because this doesn't happen around here all that often and it didn't even occur to me. It's like the first frost of the winter, your late for work, you jump in your car to find a thick layer of ice on your windshield and you can't find your scrapper because back when it was 90 degrees you cleaned out your backseat and figured you weren't going to need an ice scrapper for a long time, but you never got around to putting the thing back. Yeah, it's like that!

So the pipes froze. A short time after I got home, the sprinkler system out front burst and water gushed from the enornmous gapping hole in the pvc pipe that leads to the timer.

I don't do water. I'm pretty handy...but when it comes to plumbing, I suck.

So I went looking for MB. That's when I realized how drunk he was. He did manage to shut off water to the house. Great. Now we have no water and MB left a long time ago to get a part at the hardware store. I know...he shouldn't be driving... but it wasn't like I could stop him. He has no sense when under the influence.

Gotta go. Wish me luck!

Pathetic & Down

I'm pathetic.

I tried calling him (the guy I like) twice last night. He won't answer my calls. I guess this is what being dumped feels like.

MB should be pleased. His plan really worked.

I had 3 days off and now this is the second day on reserve. I haven't been called yet. Man, I need to go back to work. Instead, I will probably go out this afternoon to look for an apartment. Yes folks, I'm moving out. I'm tired of living this way. Divorce makes it near to impossible to still reside in the same house.

I hope the cable guy comes soon...I can't leave until he fixes my wireless box and hooks up the cable in the living room. We haven't had cable in there ever since I rearranged the furniture back in October.

I'm sad. I think I'll go back to bed and perhaps I'll wake up happy.

Not the same this year

In a word...

Disappointed.

Macworld was a let down. I went there expecting to be wowed with what Apple is known for...artistically designed quality products that are easy to use. In other words I wanted a well built flashy designer ipod docking alarm clock.
Is that to much to ask for? I guess so. There wasn't any variety or selection and the crap they did have was way overpriced!

Okay- I will admit the phone is cool. It will probably change the way cell phones are made and thus, forever change the industry. BUT- I wasn't looking for a cell phone. So for ME, Macworld 2007 was a dud.

It only took me 2 hours to get pretty pissed off. Besides the phone and the new TV capabilities, Macworld had NOTHING new to offer. The vendors went crazy on ipod accessories (including an ipod docking toilet paper holder) and, of all things, luggage.

I felt like flipping off the conference center as I walked out the door for wasting my valuable day off and the money it took to get me there.

I stopped at the Target in Walnut Creek and bought the iHome alarm clock for Katie. Guess what they'll have a ton of next year? Yep, cool alarm clocks. TONS of them.

MACWORLD

Yes folks, it's that time again...

MACWORLD! MACWORLD! MACWORLD!

Ahhhh....the once a year event in SFO in which all of us applemac geeks can gather, oohhing and ahhing over the latest and greatest imac gifts to the techy lover world.

I'll check out the new phone, but mostly I'm going there to purchase Katie's birthday present. The best darn idock alarm clock I can!

I'm tired as heck though, so wish me luck. Nah, I won't be flying this one...I tried, but everything is full. Shucks.

Nose Gear & Sniffles

This post will center around one thing...noses.

First off, I'm a smart, clever girl. I think I mentioned how I listed the girls on a flight from Medford to San Fran, and then they could connect onto my flight from San Fran to Sacramento. It worked great! All the flights were ontime, despite the fact that my plane was having maintenance issues. The crew that brought in my plane had called for maintenance, but I never did find out what that was for.
I was just happy that it was taken care of quickly and we got our flight to Reno out ontime. I called my mom after we landed in Reno to make sure the girls got on their flight. They had just closed the door when I called. So far everything was going as planned.
We left from Reno early and landed in San Fran with plenty of time. I shuffled over to gate 87B and only had to wait a few minutes while my girls plane pulled up and parked. I watched them deplane and walk into the terminal. They were both so happy to see me and I was thrilled to receive hugs and kisses!
We walked back over to my gate and had the gate agent print out boarding passes for them. In no time we were on our way back to Sacramento and the girls were making funny faces trying to get me to mess up. It was the first time they had seen me work. It was very cool. I loved having my babies on my plane.
It was supposed to be a short flight. However, it took longer than that because the nose gear wouldn't come down. I sat in my jumpseat and felt the guys cycle through the landing gear procedures 3 times while the passengers sat there completely ignorant of the problem. I knew I'd be getting a phone call soon.
Shit! I thought. I don't want to have to prepare the cabin for an emgerency landing! Not when my girls are on this flight!
As expected, the first officer called me.
"Hey, what's going on?" I asked casually.
He said they were having a problem with the landing gear. My heart started beating faster as I waited for the NTSBO. Luckily the next words out of his mouth were "the gears down now and we are circling around for the approach." As if he were reading it off a card he added, "no brace, no evacuation. no brace, no evacuation."
"Okay." I said, and hung up.
We landed just fine, but lost the hydraulics. This made the plane difficult to steer and the taxi into the gate was extremely slow going.
It turned out that the gear "free fell" and locked into place. As long as it was down, there was no need for emergency. However, the captain had to stay late to fill out a bunch of paperwork. Everything turned out Ok and I'm very thankful for that!

Now for the next story of noses..
Mine. Yesterday I slept the entire day because I was sick. A cold I guess. It took me right out. Today I feel better. I even forced myself to the workout room and ran a couple miles on the treadmill. What was the song that lifted my spirits? Blessed be Your name!

The words that represent my heart most are these:

Blessed be your name
when the road's marked with suffering
though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name.

Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be your glorious name!

You give and take away, you give and take away
My heart will choose to say,
Lord blessed be your name.

Oh! Go Boise State Broncos!

Forgot to tell you this story...

A couple weeks ago I had the entire Boise State Broncos basketball team on my flight. I felt sorry for how each one of them had to bend completely over in half just to get on the plane. They are so tall!

The isle was nothing but a sea of legs. I wondered how I was going to manage my beverage cart.

Before take off I had trouble with my jumpseat. It wouldn't click into place. I struggled with it for quite some time. I used all the muscle I had over and over again.

I started getting worried when I knew the guys would be calling me any second for "cabin secure" and I still didn't have the darn thing in place.

A few times I heard offers for help coming from the players. I was dertermined at first to do it myself. I'm such a stubborn butt.
However, I finally caved in and admitted defeat. One of the players unbuckled his seat belt and came up to the galley just before we turned onto the active runway to help me with my seat.

After a couple of trys he was able to force the latch into the locked position. Everyone clapped and I called him my hero.

Of course he asked for a free ticket. Yeah, right. You got one for me?

The Low Points of Silence

I haven't seen my girls since Christmas night. I really miss them. I have talked with them on the phone, but that's not the same as seeing their faces.

Katie is still very mad at me. She bounces back and forth from hating to loving me. I understand. She is very worried about how our divorce will effect her life. Rightfully so.
Megan is homesick. Though she loves her aunt, uncle, cousins and grandma...she needs the comforts of home and the hugs from mom and dad.

I am on reserve today and have not yet been called. I don't really think I will be used today. I do have a local for tomorrow. I am thinking maybe I can get the girls home via airplane tomorrow night. We'll see. I am flying from SFO to SMF late tomorrow and if I can get the girls on a flight from Medford to SFO they can connect onto my flight. That would be nice. They could watch me work. Perhaps Katie would start to understand why I love my job if she could see me in action...maybe.

I hope to spend this day cleaning Megan's room. It's a mess and I know she will have tons of stuff coming home with her.

I'm getting a cold, but not letting it get me. EmergenC works well for me and so does Daytime cold meds. Along with rest and a forced smile, I will be fine.

How is your day going? Dang, all I feel like I do lately is complain. It's really not that bad, right?
The sun is shinning. The bills are paid. Nobody in my family is dying of cancer. We haven't been hit with a national catastrophy or major earthquake. What's to complain about?
Even though the house is silent, I am a blessed person. Rich beyond belief.

Happiness is a choice you make daily.

I love my friends!

My bro, C, Duf, DJS, Lucia, Ron & all you others that don't respond...

I love you.

What's the secret of life? Friends.

You make the great stuff greater and the tough stuff less tough. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I haven't cried much in this whole ordeal, but today I did because my heart was touched.

Maybe it was pure exhaustion? Finally I got a day off. Want a story? Yeah you do...it's been a while.

I ended my 3 day trip that took me to Canada on New Years, Nebraska on New Years day, then home on the 2nd. I took off again the 3rd to sit ready reserve in Salt Lake City. Lately there has been issues at the gate everytime I try to check in for a deadhead. Trying to get to SLC was no exception.
Guess what? Not only did I get on the plane, but it happened again! First Class. Oh yeah!!!!
Man it is sooo much nicer up there. I only take up half the seat! I was able to stretch out and take a nap.
In Salt Lake I was so excited because Crew Support only wanted me to work 1 flight to Fresno and overnight there to sit reserve the next day. If only I would have actually gotten to do that, but no. As it turned out they changed my schedule and deadheaded me to LAX to work the Brasilia instead. When I thought I was going to Fresno, I called up Savanna and we made plans to hang out because she had it off. It would have been sweet! I miss her.

So I worked 4 flights yesterday on the "bro" (aka..brasilia) and deadheaded back to Sacramento. I got home late and slept in until 8am today. The next two days are reserve.
So let's see...what interesting things happened this time? Well, one guy said he wanted to buy me dinner...and a car. I joked, what kind of car?
Another thing is that I got lost in the LAX airport and had to call crew support for help.
You're a lost soul! she laughed. I was also sweaty because I had been running from terminal 5 to 6 trying to find my plane. It was departure time and I had no idea where to go. Usually I have a crew to follow, but not this time. I figured my crew was on the airplane wondering where their FA was. However, when I called crew support they told me that my round trip to Santa Maria that they had flown me in for was cancelled. Great. Would have been nice if they would have told me!

Well, not all was lost. I did still have the 4 legs to do the next day. So now the only trouble was trying to find the hotel shuttle.
Let me just repeat myself.... I HATE L.A.!!!
After more running and sweating and searching through a sea of shuttles, mine arrived and took me to my room...the one with a sleep number bed. ahhh. Even in this huge place, I ended up meeting my crew on the same shuttle. What a jerk.
The captain asked me..."So how long are you with us tomorrow? We are doing 7 legs."
"Just 4 legs." I answered.
"Sweet!" he said. "I wonder who else we'll get stuck with?"
I let out a shocked Uhhh sound and said, "well, this is not exactly what I wanted either. I hate L.A." The first officer laughed.

On the 2nd leg of the day, we landed back in LAX after coming in from Santa Maria. It was honestly the WORST landing ever. It even made me say out loud "WHOA!" I made a joke in my announcment.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Los Angelos. The local time is approx. 9:55am. We will be taxing for a few more minutes while Capt. Kangaroo bounces us to the gate!"

Once I opened the flight deck door, I asked whose landing that was.
My stupid captain turned around and asked me if I could do any better. I said no, closed the door and called him a jerk under my breath.

The night I lost my halo.

I woke up Dec. 31st at home. After sleeping for a while, I cleaned house and treated myself to a nice little run.

While I was out MB listened to the messages on my phone. He has come to the conclusion that I am cheating on him. While it is true that I have taken a fondness to a certain person at work and we do talk a lot, MB's imagination has gone into overdrive. He has threatened suicide (knife in hand while sitting on the roof) and I have been called all kinds of things throughout the last week. Although I do understand his pain, I will not let it break me. I am NOT worthless among other things.

I am, however, human. Finally I have lost the halo that only existed in his vision of me.
The weight of it I could no longer carry.

Folks, I will take a break from this blog. I might even quit it altogether. First some changes will be made. After much consideration, anonymous comments will no longer be allowed. If this doesn't fix things, I will pull all ability to comment.

I want this divorce to be civil, but it doesn't look good at the moment. MB's emotions all over the place and he changes his mind in the same breath.

I'm not perfect. I'm a sinner. Sinners need God. God, I need you.