Back to the job....I promised stories.

Stories? You want stories? Dang, I've got so many...where do I start?

How about Thanksgiving day. Okay here goes...

Headed for Salt Lake City and once again, my trip started out as a Delta Connection flight and I found myself rushing over to terminal A and going through security again. When I got to the gate, the captain was showing up at the same time. We both showed our badges to the agent and headed down the ramp. I noticed that passengers were also being allowed to board. What the?

I turned around and asked the agent why they were boarding. I have to do my checks first!

She told me they already had a flight attendant, but was missing a captain. Excuse me? MY NAME is on the release! I was a bit frazzled when I stepped on the plane to find another flight attendant standing in my spot with a big smile on her face. I nicely notified her that I was supposed to be working the flight. She was confused and pulled out her trip schedule. Her name was on it for this flight. Now I was confused. However, the captain pointed out again that it was my name that appears on the flight release, so there was no doubt that I was the one who should be working it.
As soon as she said she was a new hire...I figured it out. She was deadheading. The schedule can be confusing and it appeared with "S" instead of a "D". I don't know what the s stands for, but the d is deadhead. It's basically the same thing. I quickly told her that she needed a boarding pass. I thanked her for getting my plane ready and was relieved that we had figured it out.
I was a little out of sorts that I didn't get to do the preflight, but passengers were already onboard and it was to late. I eased up during the flight and even joked that for our snack today I would be offering Turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans and pumpkin pie. They all laughed and I continued..."No, no- actually we have cheese crackers and oatmeal mint chocolate chip cookies...I hope you will be having a nice thanksgiving dinner later because you won't be getting it here!"
Later in the flight, my captain called and asked if I would like some pumpkin pie. He had purchased a pie to share with his crew. How nice! I had to decline because of my allergy to dairy products. "Well, how about your flight attendant friend? Would she like some?"
I asked her, thinking she'd say no...but she said "sure!"
As I walked from the flight deck to row 8, laughs rang out and one guy said "holding out on us, huh!"
Another lady said, "I thought you were joking!"

Man, that was a fun flight! The people were great!

I will have to tell you another story later. I'm tired now. Good-night.

Time Out! Go back to your corners.

Most often what you plan and how it goes rarely match.

I planned on making Michael find another place to live. What happened is that he's living in the room downstairs.
I planned on filing for separation this week. What happened was that I purchased a book on how to do your own divorce in Ca.

The past couple of days have been fair. We have had several discussions while all the other times tried to just stay out of each other's way. It's been civil.
I hope to keep it that way. The divorce will be much more pleasant for everyone if we can remain friends and reach agreements.

MB has a lot to make up for. He knows it. I don't trust him and I hate saying that. I want him to be a part of his girls lives. He's their daddy...and as a "daddy's girl" myself, I know what they could be missing out on. I want him to get well and be stable. I want forgiveness in my home. I can forgive, but it doesn't fix what is broken.

As you have already figured out- I don't think MB is going to harm us. If I did, the girls and I wouldn't be here. He is rational and not drinking. I don't know how long it will last...I always hope this is the last time. Sounds like the words of a co-dependent, huh? Well, I am by default. I am not pretending or lying to myself. I am not covering up his behavior or making any excuses. We all make our own choices. I choose to separate myself from an unhealthy relationship.

I still hold to the fact that MB is a good person. He has problems that are difficult. But I know he can beat them. This is how I know our marriage has run it's course...I want him to be happy with someone else, when he is ready.

The past two weeks felt more like two years. Today I cried for the first time since it all started. I wiped them away quickly. It's not time for that. I'll do that later.

My Boys can sing how I feel

Artist/Band: Rascal Flatts
Lyrics for Song: Stand
Lyrics for Album: Me & My Gang

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless like you’ve lost your fight
But you’ll be alright, you’ll be alright

Chorus
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you’re made of
You might bend ‘til you break
Cause it’s all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Life’s like a novel with the end ripped out
The edge of canyon with only one way down
Take what you’re given before it’s gone
And start holdin’ on, keep holdin’ on

Repeat Chorus

Every time you get up and get back in the race
One more small piece of you starts to fall into place – yeah

Repeat Chorus

In the swirl of chaos...oh, yeah, I'm a mom too.

Megan is eating noodles and soon I will be needed. Their lives have been terribly disrupted the last couple of weeks and she wasn't able to keep up on required reading at school. The book report is due this Thursday. Oh man. She's about 80% done, but then she has the report to write and a project to go along with it.
I've already started the project for her and tonight we are going to finish that book. I plan reading to her until it's done. Luckily we'll have tomorrow to finish it. Now tell me....when did they start making you do "projects" along with the report? I used to get migraine headaches as a kid and so I often cheated on book reports. shhhh. I guess I won't be one of these authors that says..."When I was a kid I spent every weekend at the library." Uhm, no. But I do encourage reading. When I get my book published, I'll really encourage you to read! Please help me make lots of money!

Oh, she's done. Gotta go.

Frozen in Calgary, eh?

I have never been in weather this cold! -17? Is that what she said?? It took my breath away and made me cough. But it was kinda fun in a strange holiday sort of way.

Oh Canada! I stopped for a moment to kiss the moose.

Give Thanks

Yes, my friends give thanks. I will be flying to Salt Lake City and then to Calgary, Canada. Do they even celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada?
FYI- Yesterday was horrible and I had to pack up and leave in a huff all over again. However, today was great. Me and the girls had a wonderful time at the nail spa, shopping and eating lunch at Chick-fil-a. They have pretty good salads. After that, we went over to the house and saw MB. This was the first time in over a week, and I was a bit nervous- especially how yesterday went. He had everyone freaked out!
But today we got a break...all was fine and it was good. He says he will check into a different physc hospital on Friday. Let's hope that happens. I did not file a restraining order, but I will file a legal separation next week.

My just made up Thanksgiving prayer...
Thank you for my life.
Thank you for my family.
Thank you for my friends.
Thank you for your strength.
Thank you for your timing.

Thank you for the day I know will come.
Thank you for your mercy.
Thank you for the tears that waited.

Thank you for milk free brownie mix.
Thank you for a full tank of gas.
Thank you for dry cleaning at home.

Thank you for the choices we are free to make.
Thank you for big soft pillows.
Thank you for cell phones.
Thank you for making Angels.
Thank you for lifting my head when I can't.

Thank you for thinking to make me.
Thank you for pain.
Thank you for joy.

Thank you for bathing me in truth.
I want to make you happy.
I want to know you more.
I love you Lord.
I give you thanks.

Amen.

Stuck

I just finished my trip and a couple hours of ready reserve and headed out to the parking lot. But I had a feeling I wasn't going anywhere when I saw the police, TSA and the familiar yellow caution tape strung from post to post, blocking my access to employee parking.

I approached a cop and asked if I can get to my car. They asked where I was parked and he said, "uh, no."

I replied, "but I want to go home."

he said, "but we don't want you to get blown up."

I answered, "okay, I guess I wanted a soda anyway."

He wrote my phone number down on his hand and said he would call me when the threat was over. As I was walking away they were pulling up the truck that transports the robot.

I had to laugh.

It's wearing me down...but I'm not goin down. Tell me what do you do when it all falls apart?

Where do I start?

I'll start with where things are now.

MB is being admitted into a mental hospital in Sacramento right now. THANK GOD!! Really, I thank him. For so many things. For one...he hasn't lost his job yet. Second, nobody has gotten hurt yet and third...even though my body is sick and I had a horrible coughing fit in front of the passengers today...I'm here....working and smiling.

The details are horrid and unthinkable. At least they are to me. I was in shock when I got a call from EAP Tuesday, that MB had made threatening statements toward me and the girls. He insists that he didn't say it, and I kinda believe him. Still, it was very scary. He's not mentally stable right now and just in case he could be dangerous....I decided to play it safe.

I was escorted over to my own house to pack some things.

I'm in Albuquerque right now on a layover. I've let my boss know the situation, but I'm not taking time off. Work is my joy right now. As long as I know my kids are safe, I'm happy working. Besides, this is the busiest time for my company and I'm not about to let them down. Sick, stressed or whatever.

Rough Night

The clock shined 1:00am when I got up to turn the heater off. I had been laying there in the dark unable to fall asleep. My stomach was now growling from forgetting to eat, but it was much too late to eat now.

The next thing I know, I'm jumping out of bed to answer the phone. It was 3am and MB was telling me that the hospital had just released him and he didn't know what to do.
I suggested he go to the physc hospital. But he was concerned that he didn't have enough sick time saved up from work and wanted to just come home.

Fine. I was in no mood to argue. I was concerned about his driving home though. The weather here has been rainy and cold. I knew it would be snowing over the pass. He said he was not tired and wanted to come home. Again...fine. I'm not begging or pleading.

So now it's after 10am and he's not home yet. He called and made an apt. at his regular doctor. He said they wanted him to do that.

I'm waking up a little, so I plan on showering off the sadness and taking a drive somewhere. I'm pretty sure we need dog food.

Quote

Here's a quote from the movie I took the girls to see today...

"Gotta problem at work and it's a challenge, but gotta problem at home, now...that is a problem."

Bad to really bad...

MB has been admitted into a hospital in Reno. I'm drained. I just spent the last 2 hours "talking him off the ledge."

Lord, please help him. Help us. Help me.

I have a counsling apt. set for myself next week. I can't do this by myself. I may be strong and stubborn, but even superman cried.

Now I gotta go....I promised to take the girls to the movies to see The Santa Claus 3.

My life feels surreal, but I'll be fine. God doesn't give me more than I can handle. I can handle this.

UPDATE: I've talked with MB an hour ago (it's now 8pm on Monday) he is still waiting. I know why. They are waiting for his blood alcohol level to go down. When he first came in they tested him and it was .3

Did you get that? That's almost 4 times over the legal limit. How in the hell can he function like that? I guess that he will be in the ER for the rest of the night. They took his keys, wallet and a big knife. Yes, he was carrying a knife. I didn't know that. At least it wasn't a gun. Last night he told me that he had gone to Reno to purchase a gun. You have to wait in CA, but not in NV.

I'm going to Reno tomorrow to take him some clothes and stuff. I guess he didn't pack anything when he left yesterday. Luckily I have a day off tomorrow, but Wednesday I start another trip. I need to call in my friends for help. I don't want to leave the girls on their own overnight.

Yesterday turned a corner and the drama took him to Reno.

"I want a divorce."

That's what I said.

Folks, I just can't do this anymore. My emotions have been beaten to a pulp and all my tears are wrung out.

Dang, Kathy...that's harsh!

You're right, it is and I'm sorry. I really am. I never wanted our marriage to end, but it has. I hope someday MB will come to see this as a good thing. My wish is that he will get clean and sober, be able to keep his job, love himself and perhaps one day love someone else.

I am one of his addictions. He obsesses over me. Most women would think this is a good thing, but trust me- at this level it's not. I need him to let me go.

I know he doesn't want to hear this. I don't like saying it. He says I haven't tried hard enough. I think I have.

I asked him not to go anywhere (I was just ending a 4 day trip) but by the time I got home he was gone. I'm glad he called later to let me know that he was okay. He went to Reno.

I hope he got up in time to make it in to work this morning...but I can't worry about that. We all make our own choices and I just don't understand the ones he makes.

?????????

BTW- I'm a fool for writing this blog, and you're all laughing at me. I only like my job because I can get away from the dishes, kids and responsiblities of home and go play. My job is pointless because I don't make very much money. But what do I care? It's all about me anyway. ouch.
To his defense....I said that doesn't give a crap about the girls. Now that was wrong. Not remotely true. MB does a very good job taking care of the girls. This "bitch" was definately wrong.
How's that for details?
I guess I'm still so very mad and hurt by yesterday's drama.

I finished off the night by calling my daddy and going to bed.

Oh so NOT happy!

It was dark when we started and it was dark when we finished. This just isn't right. But all would be forgiven with a nice run on the treadmill and a hot soak in the tub. At least that's what I was thinking, looking forward to and dreaming of the entire last flight into Vancouver.

In a word...denied. I am hoping to at least do the run, but my reward and promise of a good dunk in the hot tub where shot down by a fancy hotel. I hate these kind of hotels. They look great from the outside...the lobby is gorgeous... but the amenities are nothing. You can get internet (only in the lobby) but their pool is closed for the season. What? I haven't even been up to the room yet. I have to get up at 3:30am. I know...I'm complaining a lot right now. Sorry. I'm just ticked at myself because I lost my camera yesterday. I left it at a mexican restaurant and I've been trying to hunt it down all day.

Okay that's enough. wish me luck in getting back my camera. Thank you in advance.

UPDATE: Yes, I feel I have more to add to this post. Great news...I'm getting my camera back! I got in touch with a nice RJ Captain based out of SLC who was in Bellingham and willing to pick up my camera. He is spending his own money to FedEx it back to me. Sweet!

Also, I did get to run that night in Vancouver. 5 miles, some situps and arms. They have an neat workout room on the top level. It has wall to wall windows that overlook the city. Since I was working out at night, the city lights were spectaular.
However, I was so pissed about the fact that you can have free internet in the lobby, but not in your room, that I stayed in my gross sweaty clothes, grabbed my laptop and an apple and headed downstairs.
I made myself nice and comfy (kicking off my shoes and putting my feet on the glass table) to eat my snack and surf the net. It was interesting to see the looks I was getting by the hotel workers. You see when I was there earlier I was in uniform. They smiled at me.
This time I was trying to make a statement "Okay fine...if you won't let me have free internet in the comfort of my own room...then I'll make myself comfy in your lobby- where ALL your rich important guests are coming and going. HAHA!" They weren't smiling this time. I wished I had some big PJ's. That would have been a crystal clear message. Maybe they should reconsider. Eh, with my luck- they'd just take away the free internet in the lobby.

One more bit of info about Canada...rooming charges are skyhigh!!! Yikes!

Billings? No, Bellingham, WA

I wasn't supposed to go on reserve until 9am this morning. That doesn't matter much to crew support. All they care is that they have a trip to cover and I have a four day bucket. (bucket: meaning consecutive reserve days).
Actually I already had a 2 day trip on my schedule starting tomorrow, but they took it off to have me do this one. I didn't have to answer the phone at 4:15 this morning, but I did.

I could have said no, but I didn't. I took the trip. It's a four day, early shows, but good paying. The overnights are Bellingham, Vancouver & Rapid City. This morning was crazy. It was so early when they called and I only had an hour to pack. When I pulled up the trip on the computer, I thought my first overnight was in Montana. It wasn't until I was halfway to Salt Lake City that I realized it was Washington. Opps. Well excuse me...the airports codes are similar. BIL vs BLI.

Another nice mess up I did was not going to the right terminal this morning. I am used to doing United Express, but today the trip was Delta Connection. That makes a huge difference. SMF has two terminals and it's a nice walk inbetween them.
Here's how it went down:
I hurried to the crew lounge (terminal B) and checked in. I waited for a while wondering where my crew was. Finally, I decided that I'd better get to the airplane. So I go upstairs and check the monitor. Nothing says "Salt Lake City" Then it dawns on me and I looked down at the flight numbers on my trip sheet. All 3's. OH SHIT!! Pardon my mouth. Like a falling stack of dominoes, my mind puts it all together. 3's are Delta...Delta flys out of terminal A. I knew where I had to be and it was going to be a while before I could get there. I ran down the hall, down the elevator stairs and out the door. Cars, trucks and busses passed me. I saw one guy laugh at me. Well, I'm sure it was comical. A flight attendant running desperately to catch her flight. I just didn't want to get in trouble or delay the flight. When I got to the right terminal, I jumped ahead of a group of FFA boys and cut the line again in security. By the time I got to the gate, I was sweating. I had that plane preflight and ready to board in 10 minutes! Oh yeah! Now of course the flight did end up being delayed, but it certainly wasn't my fault. We had an antenna break. That grounds a plane. Luckily, maintenence had a spare and was able to fix it.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Canada...
This will be my first time to Canada. I'm a little nervous about it, though I really shouldn't be. I guess what I'm most concerned about are the security checks in the morning.
I've been warned that TSA will actually plant stuff on the plane to see if we find it. If we don't, I (not the company) can be fined. That is the same as here in USA, but Canada just seems to take a sick delight in watching us miss things.
I'm expecting it to be like....oh yeah, BTW- I found your knife, gun and the bomb that was taped to seat 9c...Have a great day!

Good times!

Day 4

I woke up at 6am with the itch to run. It was a beautiful morning. The sun was not quite up yet and the air was filled with the scent of gardina.

I ran down to the Hana highway and turned right towards Paia. The sleepy little town was empty and quiet. In the stillness of the early hour, I treasured the blessed view that surrounded me. I watched as the fog gently glided in between the majestic green mountains that stood directly ahead of me. There is nothing like the natural beauty of Maui. Green and blue never looked so good.

I ran past the cemetery and soccer field. Just past the field is a nice beach that I wasn't planning on going to, but thank goodness did. I took off my running shoes and ran along the water's edge, letting the salt water waves sweep over my ankles and sometimes up to my knees. It felt so good. On the way back, the sun was coming up over the mountains, casting a beautiful glow across the water. I was listening to a playlist that Katie had created on my ipod. I didn't know what song was coming next. I smiled with great pleasure when "Blessed be your name" filled my ears and heart. It was an inspiring scene and I played it twice, just so I could praise Him longer. Just before leaving the beach, I sat down on a old tree stump to pray. No matter what is going on, in pain, sorrow or joy...God is good.
We spent the rest of the morning packing up our stuff and making plans with Lori, Hannah & Ren. Megan had her heart set on snorkeling. I didn't want to disappoint her, so after checking out of the B&B, we all piled in our rental cars and headed down to Kihei. At Snorkel Bob's, we learned that the south shore waves weren't very good today for snorkeling. The lady working there suggested that we rent the gear from her and drive up to Lahaina where the water isn't as rough.
Okay for us, but our new friends decided they would wait and snorkel another day. We said good-bye and raced for the beach. We had about 5 hours until our flight left.
Snorkeling was fun, but I cut my foot on the beach and almost broke my mask trying to adjust it. The fish were pretty and Megan loved it!
It was worth getting sand in every single crevice of my body to make her happy.

We returned the gear and decided to stop by a drug store (longs) for a few things. Now here is where a funny story begins, but first you must have some prior information.

*MB needed a backpack before we left on the trip. Katie generously volunteered hers. It worked out fine until.....the day we went to Hana and discovered the pack had a broken pen inside that leaked ink all over the unfortunate items that were put inside. Among the destroyed were 2 white towels that belonged to the B&B (don't worry, I paid for them) and MB's favorite shirt.

On with the story. We decided to throw out the backpack. Since the airport is NOT a smart place to trash a backpack, MB conviently found a dumpster in the longs shopping center. That was that. It would never ruin another garment again! With about 1.5 hours to go, we returned the rental car and took the shuttle to the airport. Then came the question that I never would have thought to ask...
"Do you have the car keys?"
"Our car keys?" I asked, wondering if he was talking about the rental or the trooper.
"Yes, ours." he replied.
I dug around in my bag until I remembered that I had given them to him before we left SFO. We both feared the worst.
"I need to go back and look."
I quickly gave MB $20.00 and told him to get a cab. I took his bags and said, "We'll get through security and hopefully I'll see you at the gate before 7 o'clock."

The girls were worried and asked, "Is dad going to miss the flight?" "What are we going to do if we can't find the keys?"
I tried to tell them everything would be fine. It's not the end of the world. If he misses it, he'll get the next one. If we can't find the keys, we call a locksmith to come out and make a new one. Gotta problem? Think. There IS an answer.

Luckily, MB showed up at the gate with plenty of time to spare and dropped the keys on table that was next to me. We were all relieved. We flew from Maui to Honolulu and then to SFO. I had hoped to take the United flight from Maui to SFO, but everything was full. I was happy to find that Delta flight because it had 80 seats open. No problem.
Now this takes us into Day 5. Will little rest and a 3 hour time change, we were all very tired. MB drove us home from SFO while the rest of us slept. It's always tough to drive when everyone else gets to sleep. I was thankful...for so many reasons.

Don & W

Thanks Bro! How'd you do that? Have a great day my favorite brother.

Day 4 coming soon- but first this not so shocking news

Last month my father-in-law went to a presidential lunch and met W. He got his picture taken with him and waited patiently for it to arrive in his email. You'd think 2 grand would at least get you a free picture?? No.

Yesterday his inbox revealed a link to retrieve his photo. After jumping through a few hoops and a password, he was able to view the picture (so was I for that matter). However, I can't post it on this site. At least not yet. You see, you must BUY the photo first.

So I thought...eh, okay I'll go ahead and order a print. OMG!!! The cheapest print (I think it was a magnet) cost $15.00!! An 8x10 was $60.00!!! Damn. I suppose they figure that if you have enough money to attend the lunch, then sixty bucks is nothing.

Now back to our regularly scheduled postings. Day 4 in Maui was interesting...this will be followed by a belated Halloween.